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I Struggle To Stay Sane Since The Rape And Violence

I am struggling to keep together .... all alone isolated from social connection... I feel like I have no place in society

I have no job or course to enjoy... no real friends or boyfriend .... I am sick of being bullied and manipulated

I wish I had more real friends but I feel like Australia keeps abandoning me... I don't understand why it is happening

but every 15 or so years I get pushed out and into limbo ... financial struggle and not having the career I dream of

has broken me down as it is a natural desire to work and find friends and have a chance to meet young men

to have friends go out places and be part of a group... to be invited to participate in social activities ....

for the past 8 years I have felt like a prisoner ... why should I forgive australia for that ????

why should I forgive my relatives for blocking me out all the time ????????

their jealousy and brayal has hurt me... to be stopped from having a career and education that I desire

and a boyfriend... and now its too late ... I am an old lady now!!!!!!!!!!! to late for babies !!!!!!!!!!

to late to buy my own home with a husband! too late to dream.... all joyce poorters demands and

psycho-mumbo -jumbo has caused me confusion .... she will never understand what it has cost me

I am not joyce poorter and have no desire to be that silly mental woman!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even understand her heart to be so cruel on young people!!!!!!!!?!!!!

I have literally had  no caring understanding really from anyone! joyce poorter killed me in 2000....

how can I forgive that witch!!!!!!!!!!! putting all those lies and abuses in my mind for the last 36 years

how could you be such a devil wittch ?????????????????????????????

its too late for me to experience love and sex and money and society now.... too late for babies

too late to feel like a mature woman... instead I;m a spastic little woman that no one wanted to help

or treat politely.... as if I should forgive now!!?!!!!!!!!! 

I often have irrational thougths that there are bodies in my ceiling and vampires or aliens or weird

stuff like bodies in the old septic cement sealed thing in the back yard... or that monsters like

green hulks and frankeistiens are after me and coming out of the drain pipes and when i was at work

i'd walk home in the dark at night around 6pm or 6.30pm and be talking to my mum on the mobile just

to feel a bit safer to get home... it sounds crazy but i was so scared of someone attacking me or

dead people walking ... franksteins after me... i knew i was going crazy... i had no one to tell

of my fears and upsets but my doctors and on EP... its was awful feeling ... it started when i'd

be using the mysindol tablets and i was having bad nightmears literally every night ...

id be so afraid and by myself ... so i started sleeping in my mums room on the floor or bed

its so crazy... to be that afraid but one night i know i heard someone outside my window

and some bashed the window steal grill to wake me up... it frightened me really badly

then i went crazy
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 5, 2011

Your Response


I just don't believe this. No Way, this is not true. You are a beautiful woman!! Don't you listen to that, PLEASE!! It is NOT too late for you....what is wrong with this world????? Where is the compassion and love for each other. I want to hug you so tightly right now. <br />
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You forgive them, her by realizing all the hate you feel toward them is not touching them or affecting them, they probably haven't given anything a second thought. But this anger and hate is affecting you when you haven't done anything. They hurt, wronged you and they should be the ones who is feeling bad. You have been feeling bad for too long. Holding it doesn't help you and it doesn't affect them. I have been there and I found peace in laying it down. We hold anger as if it is a weapon at times because of the way it feels to us. We figure surely it should hurt them somehow and yet they are long gone. They are the ones who will regret it because of who they lost and what they did without sorrow for what they did to you. <br />
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Pick your head up and stand tall. I have Jesus, who has always been with me. People have came into my life and I have been alone many times, deserted even, by people I trusted. But I found out just how strong I am. I love having people in my life but I don't need them. I am ok alone but I appreciate the brief moments I am given with others. I am married and it gets so lonely but I have learned to sit quietly. <br />
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God Bless You!

I know how you feel! I feel for you! I wish life was better!