Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

I'll talk about being bipolar somewhere else; bipolar is relatively well-known.  PTSD isn't.

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Basically, it's where something really bad happens and you wind up having flashbacks of it.  They used to call it "shell-shocked" when soldiers came home and kept re-living stuff.  It's still PTSD.

I survived an incredibly abusive childhood.  I've not yet processed and healed from a lot of it.  All kinds of weird things can trigger a flashback for me.  Just the thought of eating certain foods will make my heart start to pound, for instance.

FBs (flashbacks) can be utterly debilitating.  They sweep me into the past, to where I'm re-living the event in full sensory detail.  I have only a tenuous connection to myself in the "now"; to all intents and purposes I am in the "then".  My heart pounds, I get dizzy, sounds in the "now" sound like they're coming from far away.  When it finally passes, I'm shaky, cold, weak, and nauseous.

Needless to say, I hate FBs!

I'm fighting it, but the simple fact is that this is a near-disabling condition.  And PTSD can be managed, but not really cured.  So rather than search for a cure, I'm learning to live with it.

I'm on meds that help reduce the FBs.  (Mind, that's reduce NOT eliminate!)  I'm in therapy, and working to learn how to keep my balance when a FB slams into me.  I have good phases and not-so-good phases. 

That's okay.  I'm moving forward, and I'm not about to let the past control my future!
Plaid Plaid
31-35, F
5 Responses May 12, 2011

I believe it gets easier, suresure. You learn how to deal better, how to avoid triggers (or at least minimize their impact). It's still hard sometimes-- right now I'm in a heavy FB phase that's kicking my azz. But most of the time it's just another scar to work around, and one that I can handle.

I too suffer from PTSD.. But what happened to me.. was only years ago, for I'm only 16. I struggle with it all the time and when I think I'm past it- I get those FBs. Does it get harder as you get older?

I also suffer for PTSD... I can partially empathize on th FB front... Totally sucks.. *hugs*

I'm not discouraged (usually). I see this as just another obstacle. Like the scars that prevent my body from functioning quite right, the PTSD is scars in my mind. And just like I figured out how to work with and around the physical issues, I'm learning how to find balance within my scarred mind.<br />
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Sure it's hard, and a pain in the azz sometimes...but that's ok. I'll find a way to move forward, even if it means going sideways!

PTSD..... I had a scary childhood and adolescence that creeps up on me especially when i'm alone. The thing thats so tough about it is that its not going away. I spent thousands on therapy and at the end of the day, we can talk through it... but can we fix it? No. Its so disheartening.... but youre not alone.