Living With A Mental Illness (s)

I live with schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Double whammy right? I know. And it's a possibility I have ADHD.

I was about 10 or 11 years old when I started having auditory hallucinations. I didn't realize what it was though. This person would tell me they were God and that I'd better behave if I wanted things to be right for me. Then when I was 13, the voice changed to an old friend of mine. I would have conversations with the voice. I figured because I didn't have many friends, I was just hearing the voice because I was lonely. Then I came across the word schizophrenia. I read its symptoms and realized I had it. But I kept quiet about it for years. Even to my therapists. I was ashamed and feared they would throw me into a permanent asylum.

At one time, I was having visual hallucinations. My aunt had died two days after Christmas in 96. A few months later, I saw her in the bathroom. I was freaked out. It was surreal.

And as for ADHD, two years ago, I had a friend bring it up to me because I was restless and antsy. I was in denial about it at first, until others started questioning me about it. I looked up the symptoms of ADHD and saw that I showed more than one symptom of the disorder. And looking back at how poorly I done in highschool and my behavioral issues growing up, it made sense. Furthermore, I found out that it's hereditary. My brother has the disorder as well. I brought it to my current therapist's attention and she evaluated me and they're considering diagnosing me with it.

I was 22 when they officially diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder. I'd finally decided to come out about it. I'm taking Abilify for it, and I find that it helps alot. I still have the auditory hallucinations, but they're faint mostly.

To all of the people who think they have schizoaffective disorder, don't be ashamed to speak to someone who's educated in that field. It DOES NOT mean you are crazy. And don't give in to the stigma society has of people with mental disorders being violent and crazy, but it's all bs.There's alot of people I know who have mental disorders and they're very intelligent. And for those living with schizoaffective disorder, don't be ashamed of what you have. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
gtafan1987 gtafan1987
4 Responses Dec 29, 2011

Your 1987 just like me

Do you know how you where born. Like where you in an incubator for a long time?

No, I wasn't born in an incubator. But I did stay in the hospital for 12 days. Eye problems. Yes, I'm an '87 baby. And sorry I took so long to respond, I have been busy. Peace be with you ;)

Thank you all for all of your feedback. I find it comforting.

i agree with you a 100percent no one should be ashamed no matter what disorder they have glad you got help and are doing much better good for you god bless you. vinny

thanks getting better is all that matters and ppl will see ppl with mental illness have many other talents once the illness is controlled