Living With A Mental Illness (s)I live with schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Double whammy right? I know. And it's a possibility I have ADHD.
I was about 10 or 11 years old when I started having auditory hallucinations. I didn't realize what it was though. This person would tell me they were God and that I'd better behave if I wanted things to be right for me. Then when I was 13, the voice changed to an old friend of mine. I would have conversations with the voice. I figured because I didn't have many friends, I was just hearing the voice because I was lonely. Then I came across the word schizophrenia. I read its symptoms and realized I had it. But I kept quiet about it for years. Even to my therapists. I was ashamed and feared they would throw me into a permanent asylum.
At one time, I was having visual hallucinations. My aunt had died two days after Christmas in 96. A few months later, I saw her in the bathroom. I was freaked out. It was surreal.
And as for ADHD, two years ago, I had a friend bring it up to me because I was restless and antsy. I was in denial about it at first, until others started questioning me about it. I looked up the symptoms of ADHD and saw that I showed more than one symptom of the disorder. And looking back at how poorly I done in highschool and my behavioral issues growing up, it made sense. Furthermore, I found out that it's hereditary. My brother has the disorder as well. I brought it to my current therapist's attention and she evaluated me and they're considering diagnosing me with it.
I was 22 when they officially diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder. I'd finally decided to come out about it. I'm taking Abilify for it, and I find that it helps alot. I still have the auditory hallucinations, but they're faint mostly.
To all of the people who think they have schizoaffective disorder, don't be ashamed to speak to someone who's educated in that field. It DOES NOT mean you are crazy. And don't give in to the stigma society has of people with mental disorders being violent and crazy, but it's all bs.There's alot of people I know who have mental disorders and they're very intelligent. And for those living with schizoaffective disorder, don't be ashamed of what you have. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And don't let anybody tell you otherwise.