I Have a Mental Illness
Leaving Sam's Club today I had lots of little items in my hands and as I approached my car it started to rain, hard. As I fumbled through my purse looking for my keys I lost control of the items in my hands and dropped everything, including my keys. By the time I gathered everything up, got my keys and actually got in my car I was drenched. The car windows immediately fogged up so I flipped on the defrost and just sat, trying to stop shivering.
Sitting alone my mind began to wander, I thought of my next stop, dinner, cleaning up the living room. And then I thought of you. I thought we were through with each other, never to be friends again and yet now here I was day dreaming about you. I told myself to think of other things, call someone do something to get my mind off of you. But no, the thoughts began flooding in like a dam had burst up river. I was at your will, no medication nearby, God I really needed my medication.
I don't remember driving home today. I just remember taking my pills, three little pills to send you far, far away. When I was a child I remember singing "rain, rain, go away, come again some other day." Today I welcome the rain and instead wish to send you away. All the obsessive thoughts and voices encouraging me to "just do it".
For now, I have won, the pills did their magic. I can rest peacefully tonight and not fear my own mind. They say it will be a rainy day again tomorrow, this I worry about.
Sitting alone my mind began to wander, I thought of my next stop, dinner, cleaning up the living room. And then I thought of you. I thought we were through with each other, never to be friends again and yet now here I was day dreaming about you. I told myself to think of other things, call someone do something to get my mind off of you. But no, the thoughts began flooding in like a dam had burst up river. I was at your will, no medication nearby, God I really needed my medication.
I don't remember driving home today. I just remember taking my pills, three little pills to send you far, far away. When I was a child I remember singing "rain, rain, go away, come again some other day." Today I welcome the rain and instead wish to send you away. All the obsessive thoughts and voices encouraging me to "just do it".
For now, I have won, the pills did their magic. I can rest peacefully tonight and not fear my own mind. They say it will be a rainy day again tomorrow, this I worry about.
By:
smylin
Age:
36-40
