I Love You, Not.

The doctors say that I have bi-polar. I don't know what bi-polar really is because I have trouble with comprehension. So I think that I have bi-polar or a mental illness.
I don't like it. It sucks. It is getting worse over time.
I'm 25 going on 14.
I want to get better but I don't know how. I need support but I don't have that either. I'm lost.
I'm lost in life and I'm lost in the sense that I'm confused. I can't keep track of my thoughts. I just talk and it may sound like I'm making sense but in fact, I am making nonsense because I do not fully understand my own words.
I wish I had someone to love. I wish I knew how to love. I wish I will love someday.
My reality is a bad reality. I wish this on no one and I wish this on everyone.
I hope you understand why I love and hate you so much.
I need you to understand because I cannot explain it more clearly.
luddities luddities
22-25, M
1 Response May 7, 2012

I have been where you are and I know the difficult journey you have ahead. In the early stages of understanding be kind to yourself. Allow mistakes, you're human! Read everything you can and ask lots of questions. Keep a journal and focus on each minute, hour or day whatever it takes to get from one to the next. Keep reaching out, we are out here ready to help!