Dual Diagnosis For 15 Years

I was first diagnosed with Bi-Polar dissorder when I was 15. I am also a "trying" to recover drug addict. Because of years of my drug use I have made my symtoms worse and have recently added OCD (picking), Socially Anxiety, Panic Disorder, borderline Dillusional, ADHD and Agorophobia.

It is a battle on a daily basis. My father commited suicide 4 and a half years ago due to his mental illness and addiction. I struggle everyday with this. Have been hospitalized 3 times this year. I have been on about 30-40 diffrent types of medications. But still not there yet.

Its hard and I have two kids to raise on top of my crazyness and drug problems. But I would be here without them. They save me from myself everyday.

KarmaKatcher KarmaKatcher
31-35, F
4 Responses May 8, 2007

Have been going to NA since I was 16 years old. Have known that I have had a problem since then. And if anyone were to ask me I am up front with my problem, and will admit I am an addict from the word GO. Unfortunately in my area, all the dealers like to prey on the weak at the meetings in my area. As in, there is more dope in a meeting smoke break, than from your usual dealer. Sad, but true. I had 16 days....but saddly have fallen prey again. Actually allowed my self to be caught up in the **** again. F$(^%!!!!! Hate this cycle. Living it for 17 years and now, still counting.

Admiting you have a problem is a huge step, you can't deal with a problem you don't admit having. There is strength in numbers...do you go to Narcotics Anonymous? Try them, if you don't click with the first group try another.

im a dualie too. It sound like you are really trying to battle this thing. Don't give up, it took me years and i still have to fight my brain. But don't view that as a depressing prospect either. i try to see it as a step on the spiritual path that you have already accomplished. Do you realize how many ******** there are out there that don't even realize what they are like, or what their problem is? YOU do and working on bettering yourself. That puts you ahead of the majority of ppl out there!!

It is so important that you have realized and have taken responsibility for what you have done and what you are trying to do for yourself and your children. It takes an even stronger person to put out there what is going through their minds. You are stronger than you know. I hope this helps you in your recovery.