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Life With The Black Cloud

Being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder wasn't a huge surprise for me. I knew I was unwell.
Even though I am aware of my issues that doesn't help my control over them. I struggle. Medication is only temporary. The anti psychotic sleeping pills only provide me with a false sense of a good nights sleep.
I hate tablets. But without them I am a wreck.......

Why can't the world be easy for me?
The whole world becomes a bit too hard for someone like me. I can't mantain happiness, I over think.. over analyse... over worry... stress.
Things don't seem to be improving.


I need somebody to understand how each day is an effort, that I am constantly trying to please everyone.. that I need recognition for the little improvements I make otherwise I take one small step forward and then five huge ones backwards ...
tonang8 tonang8 16-17, F 4 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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I have had major depression for most of my forty eight years and have tried many pills and
Theropist. None have helped much. Life is tough daily but my faith in God and
my family have been what have kept me from suicide. I would greatfully welcome
death but you need to know that you have to keep up hope and faith that a cure make
Come and you will hopefully have a family of your own to look forward to.

I go to Church and have faith. But hate how some people at church assume that because I have God I should be fine. They don't realize that I am struggling and I need human support as well. That I can't forgive and forget

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I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anxiety, Depression and god knows what else.
Every day is a huge effort...especially with multiple personalities trying to all take over. Top it off with the anxiety and depression...I wake up exhausted.
It's hard to learn not to try and please everyone, but you are still young and can learn now before it gets too bad.
If you are still in highschool and even if not, remember...the only people you need to please are the ones you love and that love you back...everyone else is just lucky to know you while they can. ;-)
If you can get into therapy...I highly suggest it.

I am still at high school, finally my last year!
Thank you. I am trying to learn. I have seen steady improvement. Thank you

I can relate to your story. I over analise too and it is very sad. I learned that alot of us with mental illness do this alot, and that we have a higher IQ. I just wish we could learn to cope with the sad let downs from others and ourselves.

Thank you. I hope we can both get better

Your problem is that you are trying to please others and looking for something from them. Instead of just being happy with yourself. I battle depression from time to time. It's been moderate to even severe at times, but I really notice that I don't have the problem its society and I struggle so hard to fit in, and I'm tired of it. I hate the way society is and it doesn't make me happy trying to be like them. I have a messed up family I hate my dad and don't talk to him anymore, rocky relationship with mom as well as sister and no other family, been through a ton of emotional abuse over my life, and I notice im sensitive. I want what is best for the world and people, I want that love I never got growing up. So I am different, but I accept and am learning to love that in not just another sheep in society who goes around trying to be the same as the next sheep. Do I have less friends? Yes.
Do I care? No. I am creative and kind, generous and passionate. I love who I am. You need to learn to love you. Also stay away from facebook people can be fake and sick on there so it won't help any.

Thank you very much Intuitived. I have a rocky past. I hate facebook with a passion. I certainly do need to learn to love myself, easier said than done but I shall try.