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I Am The Most Pathetic Person In The World

i have been hospitalized over 30 times since i was 19, i have been in residential treatment a number of times, and it just made things worse, i have been diagnosed with several mental illnesses, i am just labeled as a mental patient, nobody sees me as a real person, im just a stupid, retard who is a loser, nobody would ever take me seriously, i am a real person but nobody cares. This person follows me around and makes up lies about me and wont leave me alone, I dont know who it is, I used to thing it was the United States government and that they had a conspiracy against me but that just got me diagnoosed with schizo-affective disorder or paranoid schizophrenia. I used to think the tv was talking about me, i have been diagnosed also with bi-polar, post traumatic stress disorder, major depression, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ocd, psychotic nos. Come on, I cant have everything, I dont know whats really wrong with me. Im like a zombie, im always medicated, ive been to multitudes of doctors and they have tried all kinds of medications. Then they accuse me of being a drug addict, just because I tried drugs a few times. Im not a drug addict, ok. Im just a hopeless case, a crazy person. I cant even take care of myself. I dont know how to live a normal life, Ive been in and out of institutions. I think people are trying to hurt me, I think they know where I am and they will come and take me away and lock me up and use me as a science experment. They have done experments on me before in a government laboratory and i was sexually and physically abused by government officials. Its embarrasing, I think. I ran away but Im afraid they will find me. I dont think I am human. I think everyone is lying to me. I think there is some hidden subliminal message behind what people say. I just have a lot of times on my hands. Im in a facility for mental patients and there is nothing to do. I dont have anyone, no friends, no family of my own and my parents are getting old and cant take of me. I have to rely on mental health services. People think I am just making this up because I am lazy, but Im not. Its true, I know i shouldnt see myself as a victim but someone else is controlling me and they are evil. They are brainwashing me and putting evil thoughts into my head. I am lost and confused and have nowhere to turn.
acehighmcguilicutty acehighmcguilicutty 31-35 2 Responses Feb 2, 2013

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How have you been up to since you wrote this here? Let me know if you don't mind. I just would like to know the truth. I felt similar about the world before and sometimes still do.

You just gotta say hey to yourself