I Have An Undiagnosed Mental Illness

I've seen a professional for a short period of time as a young teen...and as soon as medication was mentioned I never returned. At the time I thought it was depression issues, with a string of poor excuses for suicide attempts and a six month stint of anorexia. Since this time I have tried to manage this depression with exercising regularly, eating a vitamin rich diet, and taking herbal supplements. But now I think I need something more...

I suffer from extreme bouts of depression. As time goes on I am becoming increasingly suicidal during these rough periods, they last longer and It affects my normal daily activities more and more.

On the flip side I experience periods of mania, where I empty my bank account, have promiscuous sex, consume large amounts of alcohol and drugs, disappear from my home for a couple days at a time and ignore the importance of 'real' life issues. (such as but not limited to academia and family matters)

I also suffer from anxiety, self confidence and honesty issues. Sometimes I have irrational thoughts of spirits following me, mild hallucinations, and paranoia.

All of the aforementioned are extremely out of character for me as I am a post-graduate student who has a reputation for pulling in good grades, I have a good looking resume, I am very smart, outgoing, and a lot of people envy my life.

...if only they knew. behind closed doors I am struggling to keep my life together. I don't know how many more 36 hour adventures I can afford before I graduate - both financially and academically..and I don't know if during my next big depressive state if I will do something stupid...like the S word. All I know is that I cannot survive another year without treatment.

Even though  I am a very likable person, I speak to strangers with ease, and I have a beautiful smile, I am not one to have many close friends. I tend to push others away, or people see me as nice, and fun to hang around, but a little 'intense' to be friends with. I especially have trouble getting along with other women, so the friends I do have are all men.

When I am in a 'mania' phase people see me as this fun party animal who knows how to make everyone have a good time...and when I am depressed I do all it takes to keep it a secret.

For the success of my own life's sake, and to take advantage of the mountain of potential lying in my future, I need to get help. I don't know what I have, but it needs to release its grip it has over me.

I have another month in Australia before I head back to Canada, so I figure it makes the most sense to wait until then. For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to seeing a doctor.

aitchdoubleyou aitchdoubleyou
26-30, F
8 Responses Oct 14, 2008

Please do yourself a fovor and see a Doctor. Symptoms like you describe are serious, (It is against the law for me to say more.)<br />
<br />
If your approach is Holistic then see a reputable Naturalist Doctor (ND) to be balanced on naturally occuring Lithium Salts.

I have gotten a BA and a BS and am working on a Master's in Mental Health Counseling.<br />
This is NOT the place for treatment... I would get arrested anyway.<br />
<br />
I can say that ba<x>sed on my past... the Degrees that say it is possible I can give a kick in the pants.<br />
<br />
You have an illness. It is not a moral failing anymore than having a heart attack. You have nothing to hide or be afraid of treating.<br />
<br />
Take some medication and get your degree. At that time you can take a more holistic approach like I do know.<br />
<br />
Naturally occurring mineral salts of Lithium do wonders... if you have the time to mess with the amount. You don't have the time.<br />
<br />
Like I said. You have an illness. Get it treated with pills and therapy. Bring things into line with your beliefs and personality AFTER you get that diploma.<br />
<br />
Please.<br />
<br />
The PlaceboEffect (If you really believe it will work. It does.)

The degrees were urned well after first becoming ill.

Frankly, it sounds as if you've been media brainwashed. A common ailment.<br />
Never thin enough, never good enough,never sexy enough, never rich enough,never enough friends Etc. <br />
It causes depression...extreme depression because most of us will never attain meia defined perfection because it changes with evey new product, procedure and fashion that has the potential to make money.<br />
My advice: Remind yourself that whatever you've done is in the past is over and done and can't be changed.Forget it. <br />
If the truth comes out, admit it. It's the truth.<br />
You aren't the person you were yesterday or will be tomorrow.<br />
If you take meds then research the side effects as they are often harmful to your health than the ailment they were meant to treat.<br />
Hang in there. Relax. Give yourself time breathe.

There's things you can do for deprssion in conjunction with anti-depressants but I don't know with your mixture of symptoms how it would help but exersise is proven to help people with depression feel better. The right diet helps too and getting enough slep though with depression a lot of people sleep too much, but you can find a balence.

Hi- I won't go my history here but the final straw was when I started to feel that I was suffocating. I knew I couldn't live that way. Tried everything before admitting to myself that it could be mental. I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed depression-anxiety and started me on a medication and talk therapy. Within two weeks I felt much better and after that began seeing my old self. Try seeing one doctor rather than a group. It's very possible that all your symptoms are manifested by one or two conditions.<br />
Good luck

As well as medications, some sort of therapy, such as Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy may also help. Good luck.

It's too bad you're not in my area. I could recommend a simply fantastic doctor. What I can say is that I used to be skeptical about medication myself, and because of that, I suffered for several years longer than I should have. I'm very happy that I went to all the trouble to find good meds at the right doses.<br />
It is frustrating, no doubt. Nobody responds to the same meds in exactly the same way. My mom went thru more than a dozen for her depression before she found something that worked (celexa/lexapro, they're not the same but they're very similar and both work for her). I went thru only about six before I found something I liked (lamictal and celexa/lexapro). Go ahead and try something. Work with a good doctor---not someone who expects you to just put up with side effects you hate more that the illness. Don't expect that the first thing you try will be the magic bullet, but don't get discouraged, either. If you're looking for your keys because you have somewhere important to go, you don't give up just because they weren't in the first few places you looked. It's the same with meds.<br />
Hope this helps

You're a tough case. I don't mean that to be gloomy but that you have a series of problematic emotions that aren't likely to be understood by a doctor.<br />
I can make a few recommendations:<br />
<br />
For anxiety and depression, take lexapro.<br />
For too many spirits around take Zyprexa that *should* help if they're overwhelming all the time.<br />
For those 36 hour adventures and manic states, you really need a small dose of lithium.<br />
<br />
Please find a family doctor and update me on how you respond to each medication.