Manic Me

Mental Illness.

Sometimes it seems to control my life no matter how much I fight to keep it my own.

I've gone through so many different diagnoses that it's left my head spinning. At first, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD. This was during my first hospitalization, and they were not thorough whatsoever. The only good thing that came from it was being set up with my psychiatrist, who I absolutely adore.

After working with him a bit, he finally gave diagnosed me as Bipolar II mixed. Along with that, I also have Panic Disorder and OCD. Somehow, I've always known I was bipolar.

Unfortunately that hospitalization wasn't my only one. I've been commited five times in the past year. It was my third hospitalization that brought about the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Having Bipolar and BPD together makes life unbearable sometimes. I'm the queen of the most terrible mood swings, and I never know when they're coming.

It took me a while to find a med combo that worked right, and now I'm not even on them. It's messed up how that happens. I'm going to have to admit myself again to get everything in working order again and, hopefully, get my insurance back.

To top it all off, I'm dealing with Dual Diagnosis as well. I struggle with an addiction to drugs that helped to spiral this whole year of ****.

It has taken eight years for me to get to even this point, and it's been the rockiest road I could imagine. Still, it's nice to know that I'm finally at a place where I have hope.

Take care everyone.

someonesprayer someonesprayer
22-25, F
2 Responses Jun 30, 2007

I've lived with Manic Depression for 37 years - I've done the whole drill - multiple hospitalizations, etc. Now I don't let the illness define me, it's just part of me. You can get there too - never give up hope and never stop fighting.

i love that you can add hope to your story. i helps everyone else out there who feels like their lives are going to continue on a downward spiral. congrats, and thanks!