Paranoid schizophrenia. Had it for a long time now. I don't like it when some people pretend they have it just to get sympathy or sound cool, schizophrenia is terrifying sometimes. But at the same time I do believe I sometimes see, notice or hear important things other people can't. My therapist treats me like a freak and she's only making me take medicine to trick me into becoming a depressed zombie and not feel anything, that's why I'm planning to go off my meds.
Roslein Roslein
18-21, F
9 Responses Jul 4, 2014

This is half of my thought process in a nutshell. I'm also a paranoid schizophrenic, and I can absolutely agree with you that it's by far the most terrifying experience of my life. I often feel like I can do stuff others can't, which is a classic symptom of schizophrenia. Do you also find it hard to separate fantasy and reality?

I'm astonished by the fact that so many individuals diagnosed with the same disorders tend to have the same, or relatively close thought process as well. Yet, each individual is none like the other. Meaning; sociological background, age, gender, etc.
I can relate to your post, I find it ironic! Unfortunately, they're behavioral doctors/specialists out there who treat their patients as if they're less than human(younger patients in particular, based on my own personal experience) Living with a mental illness is enough anguish, especially schizophrenia😔. You have an illness but you are not a freak. Therefore, you have every right to address the issue(calmly and rationally of course) I can only speak for myself, but I am fully capable(after a few encounters & some reflecting lol) of distinguishing whether I truly being treated badly, or if my disorder is leading me to believe so. I'd suggest searching for a new psychiatrist/psychologist/ therapis, if you are able? I'm currently doing so. In the meantime, please continue taking your meds. Being a zombie at home beats being a zombie in the hospital. Good luck and be well!

okay i will try to take your advice thank you. i am looking for a better therapist/or whatever now and maybe she or he will be better than the one i already have

You and me both. Its no fun what so ever.

i hope you get better. it's not fun at all. it's like we're cursed in a way

People who go of there meds don't usually end up so well..... your schizophrenia might get worse.

the meds are making me worse than i was i might change therapists and see the results

That would be a good idea.

Please don't go off the meds, not yet.
Find another therapist. I've had my share of experience with therapy and it can be hard to find a good therapist but they are there.

I have been with about 21 therapists and they're all terrible it's no use

Please don't give up, the nature of your illness can make you have these feelings and that is something specifically they should be addressing.

You Will find a good therapist if you just Do Not give up, that isn't hopeful its fact, statistically speaking.
Keeping in the fight is the most important thing for beating any kind of illness, your mind is a lot stronger than you think.

Ill go back to taking some of the meds but I have been trying 5 yrs

If you stick with it you will eventually have many happy years where you will be glad you didn't give up. One of the top worst things about having a mental illness is that it takes a lot of time to treat just about any problem, kinda like working out takes time to build muscle.

Totally agree, You can do many things with effort and persistence.

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What kind of meds are you taking? Can you please tell the names because I have gone through the same and probably took the same meds because I felt more depressed and insomnia took over and lost of appetite while taking the meds. So I think if they're the same as mine, I would suggest you to get off of them.

Hadol and geodon

Mine we stelazine and geodon because I have bipolarity as well. Don't get off your meds. Trust me they're keeping you sane. Geodon is the best.

I am not myself when I'm on meds. I can't...

Hey! Do what you feel like is right. Okay? You're your own master but just be careful with you decisions.

That is terrible. I don't know the effects of Hadol tbh. I cannot say anything. And I have been off my meda for a while because my disorder is undercheck now.

I advice not to take it. I decided to continue going on with the meds. I want this all to end but at the same time I feel attached to my illness I don't know how to explain it

I can completely understand. Just stay strong. That's all i can say. You're a fighter and you'll go through it. i know. :)

But depends on the nature of your disorder. For me geodon worked and never tried Hadol. Although, tried abilify but it's not available anymore. They have stopped making it.

Hadol makes me depressed and empty. When I take it I become completely zombified I just say there staring into space and drooling (yes I know) it was terrible

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What's that illness????

schizophrenia. i just said it

Noi noi noi.. I mean what does it do to ur brain? How u behave????.....

why don't you look it up it's too complicated for me to explain...

i could go on for years explaining and if i did i will get you confused

Sob sob... Ur a bad teacher.... Sob.....

basically i have delusions and paranoia and hallucinations

Oh.... Meow... Meow... Why do people call it cool then?

sometimes on websites teenagers pretend they have it. i dont know why

Oh..that's cool..behaving like u r ill ..... I too have this illness .... Meow .. Meow.....

that's not funny.

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my advice is to not go off your meds...you leave yourself open to getting sick again

I can't take them anymore they're poison

are you sure your not in psychosis now? it could be the illness talking

I just can't be on them anymore they stop me from being a human being and I just want to be normal.

you have to accept that normal is never going to happen again...I am on zeldox and that makes me feel normal...maybe ask your psychiatrist if you can change...I swear by that medication, it works for me

No my psychiatrist wants me to take the worst meds if I visit her again she will tell me that the ones I'm taking are good and I don't want to visit there again it makes me feel horrible.

go and see another psychiatrist...that is the best thing you can do if you are not comfortable with her

Maybe. but still the other one will give me medicine and whenever i take any type i become someone else. that's not who i am.

my meds have made me feel healthy for the first time in years...it is just a matter of getting the meds right... getting sick again is not an option

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Although I do not believe medication is the only or even the best answer to paranoid schizophrenia, I do know that it is a very slippery slope to cross when dealing with such altruistic delusions that can manifest through the schizophrenia. I hope that you are both cautious and mindful with your thoughts and actions when you come off your meds and I wish you the best of luck :)