Schizoaffective Disorder With Dissasociative Disorder

I've always been a very outgoing person..  I try to make myself feel important in some way or another.  I just want to feel love from others.  I've always been the one to try new things, depending on what they are.  As I've grown older I've become more shy and my life has gone in a direction that I'm not to happy with and it's all because of my illness.  I just have to find a way to bypass this illness and go back into society and work.  My doctor doesn't want me to work, but wants me to be on disability.  I will only do this until I can get to where I can work again.  As soon as I start feeling normal again.  Sometimes I feel like the meds are making me worse, but I'm not going to stop them until my doctor says I can.  I have this cloudiness in my brain and I can't describe it really, but it wont let me think straight sometimes and it really drives me crazy.  I have made a lot of progress since march when I tried to kill myself.  I was two hours away from dying.  I wasn't in my right mind.  So far I haven't had an urge to hurt myself in about 3 months and that feeling has been persistent so I am happy about that.  Sometimes I cry a lot because I just wish I didn't have a mental illness because I feel so inferior around others.  I also don't feel like I'm real or the people around me are real and I just wish I could know what it feels like for something to feel real.  Sometimes that doesn't bother me so much, but others it gets really bad and it freaks me out.  I know that I didn't really describe things in much detail and I know there are a few things that I left out, but later when I have a little more time I will write more.
Silentparks Silentparks
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 14, 2007

I'm real and a lot of people have mental illnesses. I have two. Three if you count ADD.<br />
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I've been in some of the dark places in which you've been. I understand.