Poem I Wrote In Psych. Ward...

I know this is my 2nd story here but I remembered this poem I wrote during my vacation to the mental "spa" lol in Oct. Hope you enjoy it.

 

My Illness

My head is pounding
"let me in let me in"
Thats what it always
says my friend

Let me in let me in
let me ruin your life
It doesn't care
if your a daughter or wife

You try to say no
but eventually surcome
And then your life is worthless
and you become numb.

It thrives and feeds
on all your fears.
And nomatter how hard you cry
it wont leave with the tears.

Your life briskly turns
from hope to despair.
How can you fight something
that just isn't there?

Eventually sanity returns
and your head levels out.
You are safe for now
until your next bout.

For now the voices are tucked
far away.
Every day you get down
on your knees and pray.

You still feel tired and
beaten...barely there.
And you let down your
guard as much as you dare.

Then out of nowhere you
hear a voice.
It's back and it tells you
"You have no choice!"

"You are mine for life
learn to deal with me!
You are all alone, you'll
never be free"

So you surcome to the
feeling without a trist.
Go to the bathroom and
slit your wrist.

Then you think of the people
you love and all the fun.
"Damn it, what in the hell
have I done!"

As the lights get dimmer
and life quickly dies.
You realize you'll never
have an answer to those whys.

"Goodnight to my loves
goodbye to my friends.
I'll see you in heaven,
it can't hurt me again!"

 

I typed it out exactly the way I wrote it that day. Each line came in fragments and I think that what was going on in my head really influenced the way I wrote it, so I kept it.

amyjo3 amyjo3
26-30, F
4 Responses Mar 22, 2009

Hi to amyjo<br />
hope you are doing well since writing this poem. I thought it was fantastic.Keep it up.<br />
Would be nice to talk to you someday. Minniemoo65

That is why I posted it, although it is pretty personal, I want to help others. There is no way I could ever put the fear and torture you go through with this disease into words. I have tried, and tried and tried but the descriptions I get out make it seem like a walk in the park compared to what you actually go through. I am also Bipolar2 but I have learned to deal with it quite well, the PS is a whole diff. story, I live in fear everyday that it will come back (not to say it has left lol i fear a relapse). One of the many odd symptoms I have experienced with it is sound repitition. I hear a sound and it will repeat itself like an echo, over and over again. It doesnt stop at one sound either I can hear up to maybe 5+ at once. Think about how crazy that drives you, even your thoughts repeat themselves. I only experience this when I am having a relapse of symptoms thankfully. Never give up on your loved one. They need you more now than ever, even if they dont agree lol.

Ur poem helpd me A LOT to undrStand my m0m.as due to her illnes she keepS tortUring(cursing,beating etc) us i smtym hate her a lot.i nid to cAlm myself and make myslf undrStnd dt she is jst doin it becj she is ilL wit much much eFort!thnx 4 posting d p0em.it reminds me if m sufFring 4 her dEsease then she is suffring a grt deal lot m0re than me.thnx agn!

I have felt this way many times myself. Thanks for being so honest and sharing.