Today I realized I spend at minimum an hour a day every day thinking about harming, seriously harming or killing myself. Minimum. I probably spend another hour minimum thinking of harming other people. Not because I necessarily want to hurt other people, it's either a PTSD reaction or a desire to have people realize there is something wrong with me.

When I'm not in a depressed episode I don't think of any of those things, so I know I must be in one now. At least it's not as severe as it was several weeks ago when it was agonizing to get out of bed and I couldn't take another day.
Hush92 Hush92
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 23, 2016

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. If you think you might benefit from talking to a licensed counselor for free (yes, free!) call 1-855-771-4357 and you can talk to someone! Just make sure you call between 6a-8p Mountain Standard Time. And if no one answers, you can leave a message so someone can call you back.

Focus on the Family is an organization that offers this service. There have people who would be happy to listen to you and offer advice--if you want it!

I really hope you can do this, you shouldn't have to suffer alone!

is that a real thing?

Yes! If you or someone you know could benefit from some free, non-judgmental counseling, please use the #!

So sorry about your trauma! I would encourage you to seek out a good EMDR counselor, and tell your doctor so you can get a medication evaluation. Also try to focus on all that you have at least once a day(that will change your brain chemistry), eat regular meals and lots of protein, exercise everyday, and try to help others, maybe volunteer etc. All this really helps. I will pray for you.

What bs. Get a job, go to school, help others. Stop obsessing about nonsense. Yeah, I said it.

Wow, ignorant and judgemental much? I'm in school and have a job. If you don't understand mental illness, don't respond to these experiences.

Nope, not judgemental at all. Lol, yeah OK. Find a Dr. Stop your ******* around.

I have a doctor, I'm on meds but haven't been on them long enough for them to start working.

Ok, good, sweet. It's great you work and go to school. Try to be OK. I know you can do this.

I couldn't agree more.

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