Just Been Diagnosed

For a long time I have been wondering what was happening. Why did I feel like this? It's probably nothing. But it got worse and worse as I got older. I starting cutting myself and sometimes talking pills so I would feel 'numb'. I would start crying at school for no reason and I would get out of class so people didn't see me, I felt so horrible, I didn't understand anything. I raised my expectations and when I didn't get there, I felt like a failure and just wanted to give up. I was staying up all night getting no sleep at all and 3 times a week, and had absolutely no energy to do anything  I went on like that for about 2 years. I finally told mum about a month ago and I went to the doctors and diagnosed me with depression. I have been on antidepressants for 3 weeks and am in therapy though things aren't getting any better. I've been told that things will get worse before they get better, but just how far can I go? I worn down so much that I can't handle things very well, and I'm just feeling so very bad. The problem is, I don't know how to tell me from the depression...

hurtandpain hurtandpain
18-21, F
15 Responses Feb 17, 2010

Depression is something that all humans suffer from in one form or another. Its as natural as happiness or something or somewhere inbetween. It does however seem to be more prevalent in some people and we try to overcome it by supplying tablets and/or therapy . These things can help in certain cases but getting to the cause and healing is something we never seem to be able to conquer. It may be that some people just cannot be fixed as it is something that we as human beings don't understand.When it comes to matters of the brain or the positive and negative actions and reactions of the brain we are at a loss it would appear, so until some great mind can get in and understand the workings of the brain and nervous system,we will never be able to come to terms with it and "heal" or change the brain patterns in order that humans can no longer suffer from depression. Maybe there is no cure. Maybe depression is as much a part of us as is your happiness and all those other feelings and thoughts you have running around your complex brain. Maybe the cure is in dealing with it and accepting it as part of you and not letting it become the only "YOU". I don't know how you could do this but that's the way I treat my depression. I may not be as bad as you given my past and yours and the problems you encountered that made you think the way you do but when I get depressed, I hide myself away and listen to my favorite music. I find that, That way I almost enjoy my depression because I'm doing something that I want to do while I'm in this state and you know? It almost makes my depression something I look forward to. I almost enjoy being by myself because I am doing something that no one can take away from me or share with me. My time.. my music.. my depression and me.. It has at times almost become my friend. I am not trying to be rude when I am saying these things so please do not think that. I am just trying to point out the obvious and hoping to lead you to a conclusion about depression. It is for now a part of our make up. You are not alone. Its how you cope or deal with it. I get in some terrible states at times. I am happy today but most of all. I am happy with me. Depressed and in any other state. I am no different from you as are you from me but I have come to terms and I wish you would to. It will change your life.I know we all need to be loved but first we need to love ourselves. Warts n all. You are like we all are. Complex and amazing. Love yourself because you deserve it.<br />
Gordy xx

Hey harmony, I'm no expert on the subject except that i suffer in dips from the dam thing myself. It manifests itself in a lot of different ways and if you have been to counselling before then I'm sure they would have noticed wether or not you were depressed. Do you think a lot. Do you think deeply and wonder what the **** this is all about at times. Do you get the cloudy feeling coming over you at times? do you feel tired all the time or do you cry for no apparent reasons at times? these are just some of the symptoms but other people have different symptoms and yours may differ from mine or others. I hope you are having a good day and hope to hear from you again re this post. I want to make as many friends as i can in the short time i have left on this earth(i'm 51,,lol,, nearly dead eh?) . I wont ask anyone for anything, only friendship and I will give anyone as much help as I can if I have it within me. I would therefore appreciate it if you added me as a friend and we kept in touch. I have made a couple of friends to date on this site since joining a few weeks ago and hope I can make loads more. <br />
Your friend,,, gordy

Hey IAmMorbid - I have depression and a bit of anxiety

Hey Harmony, do you want to tell me what happened with the counsellor? You can put it on here so we can help support you, or you can message me if you want, it's ok if you don't want to. There are many symptoms of depression - things like<br />
- Losing interest in the things you used to enjoy<br />
-Feeling down most of the time<br />
-Sleeping too much or not enough<br />
-Loss of energy<br />
-Weight changes<br />
-Aggitation or anger<br />
-Tiredness throughout the day<br />
-Feeling of worthlessness or guilt<br />
-Thoughts of death<br />
Those are some of the most common one, but there is more.<br />
<br />
Just be careful not to do a self-diagnosis, coz sometimes it can make you feel worse and may not be correct<br />
<br />
If you are thinking about suicide, it is important that you talk to someone coz it should never be an option, it just means that you are not thinking straight, if you need to talk, I'm here

Hey Gordy - Yeah, I look forward to that as well. Fortunately now, I have had help to realize that things will get worse before they get better coz of all the past emotions that I have to relive to get past the problem and move on, and you're right, it is easier said than done, but I'll willing to try whatever it takes, something that I wasn't ready to do before. It's great to know you are there, and I thank you for that my friend

I use to go to the counsellor-it ended v. badly :-(<br />
What are the symptoms of depression?<br />
-H

Hey my friend. Thanks for accepting me as a friend. After looking at your comments its obvious that You are a very special person .I am following your story from now on and I will be supporting you all the way until you are on the right medication and get to the root of your problem and one day I would love to hear you saying " I'm out of the darkness now". I have two people that cut themselves and are deeply depressed and its down to their childhoods and how they were treated. They wont part with the information that got them in this state because they both like to put it to the back of their minds as re visiting it only brings the hurt back. Very understandable, Bringing all this out into the open must be the hardest thing to but when you go for therapy, you will most probably have to visit your past and open the wounds again. They say that this is the best way to deal with them, however don't do it without an expert by your side I tried it with my ex and failed miserably. I thought I was helping but it would appear that (if you look at my story) I was making her worse. I was full of good intention and it was because I loved her that I wanted to help but alas, I wish I never tried.You need to stay positive through the hard times. Easier said than done? yes but nothing comes easy in life and you have a long struggle ahead of you. one that you can only win by being positive about your negative moments.Life can be ugly at times but life can be amazing at times as well so never give up.We are here for you too. We will all support you through it. From your wee fan club in Scotland lol.<br />
Gordy

There might be a few issues with that - in New Zealand you have to wait till you're 16 till you can go without your parents permission, don't know what the age is where you are. DO you go to school? DO you have a school guidance counsellor who can help you out?

Is there any way for me to get checked out for depression without my parents knowing?? I've been considering the fact that i might be mentally ill for a couple of months now. IS there any way i can know for sure?<br />
-H

The problem is, I AM scared to look inside me, that is the worst place to be, that is when everything comes flooding back to my memory, replaying over and over again the past events :'(<br />
<br />
When I grow up I want to be an Early Childhood Education teacher, I love children and everything to do with them. Sometimes it's the only thing that's keeping me going, but other times, there's just nothing

@hurtandpain: Look inside yourself, don't be scared too. Look inside, and you will find your answer. Only you can answer you. But you must look inside. You are very young and confused, about your goal in life. You have to find it. What do you want to be when you grow up. You have to want some type of career in your life.

Am I'm glad you're still hoping

its hard for me to see things as beautiful myself right now my depression is because of being alone and no one to talk to,its been over a week since i talked to anyone except for talking to one person on yahoo IM. its always worse during winter,i have been depressed more or less since early Oct and its getting worse for me but im still here hoping

Life CAN be beautiful, but what about when it's not anymore?

yes things can get worse,thats when u talk to someone before doing something u cant come back from.u might need to try a few different meds before finding the one that work for u,please dont give up yet,life can be beautiful