Just recently I began researching on middle child traits. I've found out that middle child syndrome is very real and it's not only me who suffers from it.

Growing up, I have sensed my parents' favoritism towards my elder brother and younger sister. My brother is the polite one, intelligent one, the one my parents need to attend to first because he receives a gold medal in school or he graduates on top of his class. My sister is the lovable one, the affectionate one, the one everyone adores just because she's the youngest and she's vulnerable and all that.

Me, I'm stuck in the middle. I'm the child who waits for attention while the two other children get showered with it. I'm the one who was left alone during family day because it's the same day as my brother's program and it's imperative that they go there first. I'm the one who gets slapped and shouted at even when I was a little kid because I was the rebellious one, because when a kid behaves badly due to the fact that she craves for the parent's love and affection, she's automatically chosen to be the parent's emotional trash bag. I'm the child who took all these and still tried to do good to lessen my parents' pain in rearing us and to somehow please them and gain their acceptance.

I'm the child who constantly cried and wished she was never born, who have contemplated suicide many times over because she didn't expect nor wish nor deserve this kind of upbringing. I'm the teen who got fed up from all the bullying and inequality in our household that I sought from other people refuge and love I cannot get from my family, the very same people a child expects to receive it from. I'm the adult who seems tough outside but is really fragile inside, the adult who is detached from her family and who is afraid to open her heart fully to another person, because how can an outsider love her when her immediate family didn't even try?

I am the middle child. And it hurts.
123eat 123eat
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 24, 2014

Hi. First off, I would like to say that I'm glad you are talking about this. Even if its only online, it helps to vent every now and then. I cannot relate to your story so I won't pretend to fully understand everything you've been through (other than what you typed). Something that I can tell from your story however is that you are trying very hard to live with all of it. I feel like that by itself deserves respect. I do not have a quick and easy solution to your problem. I can't tell you how to live your life but please give other people a chance. You might be surprised in what you find.

Thanks. :) I'm trying. But sometimes the heart and psyche can only take so much trauma.