It's been There My Whole Life and...

...people have always said it was sexy.  i must admit, i've felt special to have it...it's different and, back in the day (i dunno, maybe people still do it) women used to draw moles on their faces with eye liner.  i've got a buttload of beauty marks all over my body and i've always liked having them(most of them are a really pretty dark-brown color but i have a few tiny red ones, too.)

ANYhoo....

I feel like a STUPID frickin IDIOT because the mole started changing SEVERAL years ago...like, maybe 10.  It started to change colors..from dark brown to pink then back to dark brown again.  Then, it started growing.  THEN it started growing hairs and everyone told me I should get it checked out because it was basically doing all the things a mole's not supposed to do.  But, I never had it checked.  I've never had consistent medical coverage and I HONESTLY didn't think it was something to worry about.  I mean, I knew it could become cancerous but, I just figured, if it did, it wouldn't HURT me...they'd just have to cut it off.  And, I've never wanted it cut off.  I've never been worried about it.

...until these passed few weeks...

A couple weeks ago, it was bleeding and that honestly concerned me.  I have no medical coverage so, since the day it bled, I've really been trying to get everything in order to get medicaid (BULLshit  Bureaucracy !!!)  Also, this passed Thursday, Nicky asked me if it was growing and we've basically seen each other everyday for the passed two weeks so, for him to notice it had grown, it must've really been noticable.  THEN, on Friday, I woke up and the mole was bothering me.  It was sore, like it sometimes (also) is.  It also felt really rough to the touch where it was sore, like a scaly callous.  I was HORRIFIED when I looked at it in the mirror and saw that it is also turning BLACK in the same area!!!  It almost looked like it was falling off, or something.

I got on the internet asap and did some research.  AND THEN I PRACTICALLY HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!  I had NO idea that malignant melanoma (which is the kind of cancer that's in moles) is deadly serious and can RAPIDLY metasticize!!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???  My husband DIED of cancer, for Pete's sake!!!  How could I be so friggin STUPD and irresponsible???

I still don't have medical coverage so I went to the emergency room, hoping they'd remove it and do some tests.  HA!!  All they did was refer me to a dermatologist that I can't afford and told me to put a band-aid on it!!!  ******* ****** UP HEALTH CARE SYSTEM!!  I'm almost ready to move to Canada!!

Please pray for me.  I'll be on a mission, starting tomorrow, to get into a dermatologist, with or without insurance!!!

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
3 Responses Apr 1, 2007

Go to Canada, it's amazing. [=

let us know what happens. We're with ya!

That it some scary stuff. And not just about the mole but the going in without insurance. I hope it is nothing bad and can be fixed. Lol, I am sure you would like it here in Canada.