Judi

 Hi. I'm Alisha. I'm 24 years old. My mother is an incredible woman. And she has been battling breast cancer on and off since I was in the fourth grade.  The first time around...she was young. She was in her 30's, full of life, and she fought it with a verocity that I still admire today. She totally changed the way the family ate (for a few years, anyway) and became a Christian, and pulled our family into christianity. She believed in the power of positive thinking, and she really kicked that cancer's butt, even though the price was a mastectomy. I remember her losing her hair on the day of my cousin's wedding. I was so young, I didn't really understand. I just knew that Mommy was really mad and she was clutching handfuls of hair for some reason. I thought it was awesome when my brother got to shave her head. She wore a bandana and was strong. Maybe it was because I was a child, but that time around, it didn't seem so bad. So many good things came about from it.

It was several years later, and I was a freshman in college, living a state away. I remember the phone call, that it was back. Unbelievable. It had been nearly 10 years, how could it be back?? It came back and was in her lungs in some type of a liquid form, as well as in some of the bones in her spine. She did radiation and chemotherapy that time, and she got really weak. I was home in the summer, and I remember being scared of my mind, 18, wheeling my mother in a wheelchair in the hospital, just praying God would let my mom be strong enough to be able to walk around like she used to. She made it through, and got the cancer back into remission. She didn't fight as hard that time, she didn't really have the strength. There were different times of going to to the hospital for heart related issues, side effects of the chemo she was on...but it was all so removed, I was away at college, though I kept in very close touch via the phone and several trips home. Mom was still amazing- I remember praying with her one night when I was home, and she actually thanked God for the cancer, because it made her depend on Him more. That really blew me away.

It's never really felt like it was over after the re-occurance. There were so many pains that she wondered if they were cancer...it felt a lot like walking around on eggshells. A few months after I got married, in 2006, she got round three. It was back, in her eye, in her back, in her liver or kidney, I'm not sure which one...and it hasn't gone away. It's February of 2009. She's not hungry anymore, the doctors are trying to give her medicine to give her an appetite. It's so scary. She weighs only 105 pounds now. 

I hate that so many of my memories of mom have to be about cancer. And I know I'm so blessed that we got her back for several years after the first cancer. But it's SO HARD watching her fade away in front of my eyes. I will never understand why her, and why she can't be healed of this terrible disease. 

If anyone has read this far, I just want to say thank you. I never have told my story like this before. People ask about her all the time, but it's just too hard to go through the whole thing. Please, say a prayer for Judi. The doctors have still not said "She has ___ amount of time to live"....but I mean she looks like the dying cancer victim now. I know it's probably going to be within the next few years. I just wish she wasn't in pain. Anyway, thank you for reading my story. Any advice or encouragement you could give would be great.

 

*edit* 8/20/2009

It has been six months since I wrote my story, and things have progressed. I moved back home to Kansas, I was in grad school in Ohio but I graduated, and my husband and I are living in the basement while I help take care of mom. Two nights after we arrived home, in June, she fell in the bathtub and broke her hip. Surgery was successful, but during rehab, she developed a really bad urinary tract infection, except of course we didn't know it was a UTI because she felt no pain while she urinated due to the high volume of narcotic pain medication she is taking, and she just really lost it there for a while, she hallucinated all the time, could barely function or move...they kept changing her pain medications and nothing would fix the problem, so finally we ended up in the hospital when one morning she couldn't even speak. We thought maybe she had suffered a stroke during the night. As it turns out, it was only a UTI. But, they gave her an MRI while she was there because they were concerned that the cancer was in the brain...and it was. She was put on hospice a month ago, and has returned to her old self, or at least the best of it we can get at this point. She can still move around, but needs help, and we are really supported by friends and family. I hate knowing what is coming up, when the tides turn, because now we know...she has around two months left. I can't stand losing my mom, but I'm so thankful for the last month when we got her back.

kansasunrise kansasunrise
22-25
4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

Hi my name is also Alisha. I am 27 years old. My mom is also dying of cancer. She got the first round two years ago. She was diagnosed with endometreal/cervical cancer. They did a hysterectomy and thought they got rid of it. She did so good through that part. They did some radiation after surgery, but it came back in about 9 months in her lymph nodes between her kidneys. I told my mom. You got through it once, you can do it again. So this time they did chemo and then radiation again. She was in so much pain from the cancer because it was in her back. They gave her vicodin. She lived with my husband, me, and our two kids for a year after getting diagnosed the second time. After chemo and radiation, they did surgery. The surgery was hard though because the tumor was hitting her aorta. So they got as close to the aorta as they could but could not touch it. The doctor told us she felt around and could not feel anymore tumor. She also sent everything she took out to the labs and they came back clean. After this time she was so weak and was pain free for a bout two months. She started getting pains in her back again and went back for an MRI. She got it back in the same place. Four months later it had grown from a microscopic tumor to golf ball size. This time the only thing they could do was chemo but chemo didn't really do much the first time so they were not holding their breath. They also gave her about six months to live even doing the chemo. They started chemo right away and only did one session before she got to weak to do anymore. My mom is now in a care home. She cannot walk because the cancer is eating at her spine. She wears a catheter. She is on hospice. She is in so much pain that the only time they move her is to give her a bath once a week, and that movement is very minimal. She is on a morphine pump and is drugged so much that she doesn't even know who I am most of the time. We just found out the cancer ate a hole in her rectum. They don't know where else it has gone. They have given her a few weeks. It just makes me so sad because just two years ago she was watching my three year old while I worked. Now my three year old just turned five and she probably wont be around for six. My two year old now won't even remember her.

Hi my name is also Alisha. I am 27 years old. My mom is also dying of cancer. She got the first round two years ago. She was diagnosed with endometreal/cervical cancer. They did a hysterectomy and thought they got rid of it. She did so good through that part. They did some radiation after surgery, but it came back in about 9 months in her lymph nodes between her kidneys. I told my mom. You got through it once, you can do it again. So this time they did chemo and then radiation again. She was in so much pain from the cancer because it was in her back. They gave her vicodin. She lived with my husband, me, and our two kids for a year after getting diagnosed the second time. After chemo and radiation, they did surgery. The surgery was hard though because the tumor was hitting her aorta. So they got as close to the aorta as they could but could not touch it. The doctor told us she felt around and could not feel anymore tumor. She also sent everything she took out to the labs and they came back clean. After this time she was so weak and was pain free for a bout two months. She started getting pains in her back again and went back for an MRI. She got it back in the same place. Four months later it had grown from a microscopic tumor to golf ball size. This time the only thing they could do was chemo but chemo didn't really do much the first time so they were not holding their breath. They also gave her about six months to live even doing the chemo. They started chemo right away and only did one session before she got to weak to do anymore. My mom is now in a care home. She cannot walk because the cancer is eating at her spine. She wears a catheter. She is on hospice. She is in so much pain that the only time they move her is to give her a bath once a week, and that movement is very minimal. She is on a morphine pump and is drugged so much that she doesn't even know who I am most of the time. We just found out the cancer ate a hole in her rectum. They don't know where else it has gone. They have given her a few weeks. It just makes me so sad because just two years ago she was watching my three year old while I worked. Now my three year old just turned five and she probably wont be around for six. My two year old now won't even remember her.

I am really sorry to hear about your Mom and her awful and long fight with Cancer. My Mom has cancer as well, she is dying at home with us now. It will probably be another weak or so and I know the anguish you feel. I feel the same and really don't know how to deal with the fact that this is really happening and I might be without my Mom in the next few days. I hate that she has to watch herself fade away to nothing, lose strength so she cannot even walk any-more. It was bad enough she had to help my stepdad die at home 5 years ago from Cancer. She also stayed with her sister at home as she died of cancer 11 years ago. I know she is very scared because of what she went through with the both of them. I was there when my Stepdad died and it was not nice. I am panicking on how I will react when she actually dies right there in front of us. I am so scared I just want to run.....and not stop but I know I cannot. I have taken her to every chemo treatment every heartwrenching Doctors appointment where we never knew if it was going to be good or bad news always hoping for the best but sitting on the edge of the seat because we never knew. When we were told 5 weeks ago that it was the end of the road nothing else could be done I was numb. I cannot imagine what a person must go through when they know they are dying. She often just stared into space looking so sad, I don't know what to do for her. I am scared she is going to have a traumatic death and don't know how to deal with it....Yuk I feel so sick to my stomach, it doesn't matter where I am I feel so scared ..... I wish you and your family the best and thankyou for reading my comments.

Wow, what a story, so sad and yet courageous. I dont really know what to say except I feel for you and your family. Your Mum sounds like a pretty amazing lady. Just hug her tight and tell her you love her every chance you get.<br />
Be strong, best wishes.