I Am Going Insane And The Ones I Love Are Too.

My mom has always been on the sensitive side, she always was very sensitive to other peoples opinions and how others perceved her.
She never was a very strong individual, she never took important decisions or worked on being more independant. Basically she lived for my dad and was completely dependant of him, her world revolved around my dad. He made more money than her, he knew how to drive and she didn't, he had friends and she lost all of hers, you get the idea. Anyways, despite all of that my mother was full of charm and had a big loving heart and she is still very beautiful.But all that changed when she discovered my dad cheated on her, at that very moment everything spiralled out of control. She became severly depressed, its like the life was sucked out of her, I was 16 at the moment. After my dad had been caught, all hell broke loose and they eventually got divorced. Then started the bounty hunt on finding who the "*****" was, she would go trough all is old telephone bills and made me call several massage institutes where girls would do special "things" for clients. After a while it got old and I refused to collaborate any longer. So she stopped but the pain was still to much to handle and thats when she found her new bestfriend: Alcohol. I saw her go trough five overdoses (pills & alcohol) in other to kill herself, they were all suicide attempts and I had the front row seat each and everytime. I remember rushing to the hospital, waking up in the middle of the night cleaning her vomit and giving her baths, I remember her sleeping all day and nagging us when she was awake, throwing stuff at us like plates and utensiles.. she even threw an ash tray once and it hit me on my back, she would insult us, hit us. Basically she was pist against my father and all of her anger was directed torwards us and my father wasn't even there, not once did he think of being there for us trying to be in our lives and drag us out of this hell we were going trought. I am 19 now and things "cooled" down I suppose, she is still fighting alcohoolism and she is still depressed but at least we dont have to deal with her anger outbursts anymore. We grew older and we can deal with her now. The past 3 years of my life has affected me deeply and has also affected my sister. I guess this can only serve me as a lesson and has only made me stronger, I will fight for a better future for myself.
GG1234 GG1234
18-21, M
4 Responses Jan 15, 2012

Like everyone here said, you are a very strong man, and you may have matured faster due to this. I hope you will find people who you can share these feelings with too in life.. because I'm sure all of us here are dying to give you hugs but can't. Things will get better the older you get, I am glad my brother and I grew up faster and earned our own living so we could reduce her dependence on my dad too.

your story is very similar to mine. at 15 my mom discovered my dad cheated too, she also revolved her world around him. and my dad continued to live with us, but he was hardly home. my mom went through a deep depression, and i did very well in school and went to a top university. during my freshman year, my dad passed in a motorcycle accident. and now everything is even more screwed up. i don't know if my mom well ever be the same, and I've been struggling with depression and anxiety myself. so much that out affects my school work. if i screw up in school againill be kicked out and have no choice but to move back inwith mom. but seeing her so depressed won't help my case. im soooooo lost and confused.

You are strong.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I had to bring a friend to a hospital because of a suicide attempt, but I can't imagine having to do that with my mother...let alone five times. I'm very glad how you used this as a learning experience. You will grow up to be (...well, you already are) a strong person. If you need to talk, just message me.<br />
God bless <3