My Mother Has Gone With Und...

My mother has gone with undignosed depression for at the very least 27 years and probably longer. When I was very young -- 5 or so, my mother took off across the street and started beating a blonde woman with a brick. I remember her coming back; the police being at the house and me not really understandng what's going on. Later, when it was dark - I don't know the time--could have been midnight, maybe 9pm--she again took off across the street in this bright pink nightgown runing in and out of the neighbors yards, screaming something. She told me to stay in the house, I did. I remember the police again -- then my grandma & grandpa there to get me and my sister. We stayed quite a while (in my 5-6 yr old brain) and they explained my mom was in the hospital. She sent handmade gifts, leather wallets for one. Only when I was older did I realize the type of hospital she was in. To my recollection, this repeated itself 3 times.

1981 my stepfather dies; she went into her bedroom and stayed there for nearly a year. I, at 15, took care of my sister, 11 and my brother, 3. I grocery shopped, I cooked dinner, did laundry and raised my brother (she did stay with him while I was at school); all of the things she should have been doing. Instead of consoling her children and coping as a family over the death, she selfishly grieved on her own believing that her pain was worse.

She never remarried, the closest of her friends have passed away -- at young ages -- and she does nothing except work part time and go to the grocery store. Nothing else - no gardening, no company, no clubs - you get the picture.

She's mean! Kids next door play basketball and the ball comes in her yard, she keeps it. Claims they broke the fence by climbing over it and threatened the law if they jumped over. She parks her car at the end of her driveway because she doesn't want people using her driveway to turn around! I can go on.

So -- yeah, I do think so. There is no way you can convince her to see a Dr or mention it at all. I think she thinks that that is how life is supposed to be. She mirrored her own mothers behavior when my grandpa died.

I love my mom - but I have alot of resentment towards her and pain.

FeelingCrazy FeelingCrazy
46-50
8 Responses Jul 26, 2008

my mom is 65 yrs old -- there is no chance of her asking for help; or accepting it for that matter. she denies my own issues with depression. but, i thank you all for your input. <br />
bumerry: i'm not so sure i dodged that bullet.

I was suffering from depression myself, now I am taking medicine for it for couple of years... I think most of the time you are afraid to admit that you are suffering from depression. Then again you are afraid of most of the things in your life when you are depressed. Its like a trap and you can't move forward or backward, you are paralysed by the depression. The person suffering from depression is alone and hurt. We should show sympathy to these people. With right kind of treatment they can become normal and happy again. Believe me its true....

I'm a psychiatric social worker, and your mom most likely has bipolar disorder - commonly known as manic depression. Although the popular idea of mania is super happy and very productive, in fact it is often dysmorphic. This means that instead of euphoria (same emotion you feel when you're falling in love or just had a baby) the person is agitated, angry, irritable and sometimes violent. Bipolar disorder is the most heritable psychiatric illness, which could explain your mom's mom being the same way. Sounds like you dodged the bullet. <br />
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If she absolutely won't go to a psychiatrist, her family doctor might be willing to write prescriptions for lithium and/or one of several anti-seizure medications that are also mood stabilizers that help both depression and mania. If you are still on speaking terms you might try to go to the doctor with her - often the mood swings are far more noticeable to other people than the person having them.<br />
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Contrary to popular opinion, most people with psychiatric illnesses can work just fine. Especially in part time jobs that are lower stress, but very often full time just like anyone else. Having a job is not "proof" that the person isn't really ill.

my mum once said she took sleeping pills when i was very young, but never told anyone until 20 years later by telling me ( i told her i was going back to my psychiatrist). i believe her taking sleeping pills from the doctor last time was not solving the root of her problem at all - insecurity. -_-;

it's horrible to have someone having some form of authority over u to be this mean. even though my parents are good people in general, i find them doing things like hypocrites sometimes. my mum beat around my room with a cane like a lunatic when i thought i was rejected in my university application and spoiled my pc mouse, and once pulled me away from the door to prevent me from going out after a quarrell with her, followed by phone harassing me when i was outside. <br />
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i know that my parents are beginning to realize how fed up i've been with them, even though they don't understand me very well. they don't seem to understand my mental condition despite me telling my mum how i got ocd, several times. i wanted them to "pay the price" of my anxiety & ocd but i know this won't work. i also had an employer with an even worse temper like psychopath, i think she needs at least counselling.... but i'm now far away from her cos i resigned & found a happy job.

thanks for your comments; didn't mean to start a fight lol!<br />
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i guess what i am trying to say tinkiewinkie is that my mom has had problems as early as i can remember and she refuses to admit and/or deal with them. i have been diagnosed with depression and she seems to think that my therapy is a waste of time and a way for me "to blame all my problems on her". in a way, that is true but in reality it's not. <br />
thank you epspy for your defense of my story. i hope you're not upset i found your comment a bit funny!

funny, Tinkiewinkie - I missed the PhD hanging in your office. I don't think one can "punish" bad behavior of a parent--that really is ridiculous. The fact that you haven't spoken to your own mother in 20 yrs tells your story and shows that you are not "well" either. Kudos for admitting your depression, but you are clearly not dealing with it. <br />
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Crazy, I'm sorry you had the experience -- I hope your mother is better these days and she will allow herself some real help.

That isn't depression. She is more like antisocial personality disorder or nacissistic. People with depression don't attack people in the street. That is psychotic. I think she is over that now. Try not to reward her bad behaviour. Leave her alone until she changes. She is sane and capable enough to have a part-time job. She can change. <br />
I have depression but I did everything for my son to the point that he claimed he did not know how to clean when he left home recently. <br />
My mother was a selfish, insulting woman and I haven't spoken to her in twenty years.