Lots of History...

I know my mom suffers from depression. At least that what she tells me. Believe it or not it had a huge impact on my life and it almost seems like my mom made sure it did. I guess when I was really little (5 or 6) my mom had decided she was going to commit suicide. She sat down on the couch and had the bottle of pills in her hand (sleeping pills) she said that she was going to take them and that us kids would just think she was sleeping until my then step-dad (she divorced him when I was 15) got home and figured things out. My mom never took the pills...instead she had one of her "experiences". My mom has been able to see ghosts since she was a little girl. My mom said that while sitting on the couch she got really really tired...infact she thought she had already taken the pills. So she laid down and the next thing she knew she was walking with Jesus. To make a long story short he explained some things to her...and even though she doesn't remember the whole conversation she says that she does remember understanding things. Like a light bulb went off in her head and suddenly she knew why her being here was so important. Since then my mom has never been suicidal but she's more then once let her depression get to her. I wonder sometimes if she uses it as a scape goat ya know. I myself suffer from severe depression and I'd never do a lot of the stuff she's done. She told me that the reason my childhood was so bad the reason why she would leave the kids with me for days on end with no food in the house and no car, no money to get any food, and no way of getting a hold of her was because she was so depressed that she couldn't be home...instead she had to be at her boyfriends and just pretend that this part of her life (us kids) didn't exsist. Yeah that totally makes since to me ya know.

Anyways, needless to say have a parent with depression is hard. Especially when you live in a one parent house hold.

pepsi21addict pepsi21addict
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2007

I have been dealing with depression and tried over 15 medications for depression and have finally found an old drug Luvox which is made a big difference (no weight gain)...I even started making stuffed animals and created a new stuffed animal, which is big for me as all I want to do is either cry or sleep...if I sleep then I can dream and not deal with the over whelming sadness. <br />
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I remember when I was in the third grade my mom would get up in the middle of the night and scream, laugh, cry and hoop it all up my dad tried to calm her down from her "spells" which she had for a very long time, years and years...<br />
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Then she became house bound so she could not leave the house, then when we 3 kids moved out boy the spells came back.. then they went away because she only had my dad there...then when he died she kept seeing people who were not there and they attacked her..<br />
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I do psychic readings since 1980 and my mom finally told me she has seen deceased people at the foot of her bed and she thought she was losing her mind...<br />
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My readings usually focus on child hood things or emotional issues that were not deal with in the adult stage in life. <br />
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I have to keep pushing myself like my husband said, but he had no idea has this sadness feels, it is like it consumes your body, mind and soul...but with the luvox I am having more normal happy times and are even cleaning house...if anyone wants a free reading they can send me a picture and I will do what I can to help..with my mom she had a nervous breakdown when I was 2 but I think she was not equipted to handle kids, marriage and life away from her father.. My mom only worked two weeks in her whole life as she said she could not handle it...<br />
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I guess we all have our crosses to bear and I try to help others when I can. Having a mother being narcissistic did not help with self esteem, self worth and self respect...I was trained to say yes to everyone and please everyone but myself...so I ended up having meaningless relationships which lead to depression. <br />
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Maybe Pepsi's mom just could not mentally deal with raising children and dealing with life in general. raising children is a huge part of the mind and body and some women just can't deal with that stress...some people can't deal with anything out of the box of every day problems. <br />
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If anyone wants to write or contact they are more than welcome.

Good grief! I have a mom with depression, too, but what you went through is harsh -- dare I say unacceptable, depression or no! No child deserves to be burdened like this. When I visit my own child I'm careful to check my depression at the door. I'm not cheery every single moment, but do my best to at least be present when I'm with her. Take care, eh? Coping with depression sure isn't easy.

that sucks! where was your dad through all of this???