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My Mom Is A Hermit.

My Mother has always taken everything personal. She internalizes everything, which has turned her inward. "If I don't let anyone in ........they can't hurt me." Her current battle is understanding why her youngest son (my brother) has chosen to be a Hobo. He left 3 or 4 years ago because he couldn't cope with some issues. (He will be 27 in March) No one heard from him in 18 months. Of course..... we were all worried, and Mom seamed to take it the hardest (as Moms can do) (I am a Mom too, so I can relate.) Mom turned it into a blame game though ......she blamed herself. Then .....she worried about what people would say or think about her.

He showed up out of the blue and happily told all the family that he has found himself, and a new Family. he has become one of the members of the "Rainbow Family." This is a group of people who basically are like the "Hippies" of the 60s. They have "Gatherings" all over the country, and all take care of each other. While I can't completely understand the desire to live his chosen life style, I can appreciate the Romantic notions of a "Hippie Commune."  I have accepted the fact that he is a grown man now and can and will make his own choices. I have to trust in him that he is healthy, happy, and responsible. I am truly happy for him and look forward to his phone calls. I can live some experiences vicariously through him, and am truly grateful that he is doing what he wants to do.

 

My Mother ........can't/won't accept his choices. She insists that somehow, somewhere SHE did something wrong. Also; conversely....."What have I done to deserve this?" "Why is he doing this to me?" No matter how I try, I can't help,her understand that he hasn't made this choice to hurt anyone. He has made this choice because it is his to make and he is truly happy. To tell him that his choice isn't good, is to tell him He isn't good.

She just continues on and on about all the terrible what ifs, and can't see the positive in it at all. I try to tell her to find and appreciate the positive. He is HAPPY, He is HEALTHY,  He is LEARNING so much about our country, He is TEACHING so much about our country, He is experiencing so much of our country, the people, the nature. This Brother of mine has GROWN so much from his experiences. He is more intelligent, wiser, more compassionate, spiritual, and always open for MORE! The young man that disappeared was a very confused, selfish, and sometimes inconsiderate, angry, and sometimes violent person. I am PROUD of his accomplishments, and do believe that he will own up to neglected responsibilities when he is able. I just wish she could see and appreciate that.

 

This is an extremely condensed version of what has lead my Mom to her life of solitude. Does anyone here have any advice as to how I can help her?

 

Justryintohelp Justryintohelp 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 17, 2010

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Oh, that must be frustrating. I know the feeling though, my mother has always been very stubborn when it comes to accepting help, too :(..... but at least you'll have an understanding of what may be causing her to see things in such an inflexible way. <br />
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Yay!....It's a start :)...I really hope she gives him the acceptance he deserves:)

mistygrey~<br />
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Thank you for the information. I'll look into it, my only problem is that she won't budge when it comes to seeking help! <br />
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Good news is that she did speak to my brother. She was feeling better about the situation.....only slightly. (One step at a time I guess!)

It must be very difficult for you to see your mother so isolated and unhappy :( .... It sounds to me as though she may have Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) If she does, it means that she needs professional help and possibly medication to break out of this negative way of seeing herself and the rest of the world.<br />
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For more information:<br />
http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/socialphobia.html<br />
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Hope this helps, and that your mum finds peace of mind. *Hugs*