Choking On Anger

She feed me, clothed me, and put a roof over my head. There were no hugs. There were no conversations. There were no signs of love. Mom would look right through me and grind her teeth against never-ending fight with her own mind. She would either be sitting in her room staring at the walls, sitting in the kitchen staring at the walls, or screaming in her room at someone who was not there. Life growing up with mom was a time to wait in tension. I hate that this was my life. I hate that she is my mother. Two decades later and I am still angry about it. I am so angry I literally feel like I choke on the anger. I thought moving to another country would help, but it did not. On the phone we have the same conversation we have had for the past 20 years and the anger comes and it chokes me. We have a telephone conversation and there is no love or happiness to it, it feels like a business transaction where I state I am still alive. I choke on the anger.
Arasesor Arasesor
36-40, F
Dec 3, 2012