A Mother Filled With Hate.

Never have I experienced an individual with such an immense amount of anger and hate inside of her. My mother is manic depressive, and has been for almost 20 years. It seems that within this 20 years her case has worsened instead of getting better like it should. My whole life I have been convinced that I am an awful human being who has nothing to offer... I am not a good daughter, in fact i was brought from the devil.. that she never even wanted me to be born.
My mother has been hurt by many people in her life and for some reason has placed it in her mind that her children and husband have this master plan to hurt her as well. We are barely surviving as a family and I don't know how to cope with it.
I wish this could be one of those stories where I went through something ******, had a mental awakening that changed everything and got to live happily ever after. This will never happen.

I know it may seem awful but I have learned to feel nothing but hate and anger towards my mother. I don't want to be near her, I don;t want to talk to her about what's going on in my life, I don't want her advice or anything. Yea when I was small she did lots for me..took to me lessons of all sorts but as I grew up she told me she did enough for me in her lifetime and that she was done. She recently was diagnosed with a rare physical disease which has crippled her for the most part (which hasn't helped the situation), she has become so highly dependent on everyone to do everything for her ...like even poring her a glass of water. How can I be so willing to do all these things for her when she treats me with such hate? Sure she says she loves me and cares for me, but how can you say that then tell me 10 minuets later that I should f* myself or go to hell? I, as well as my siblings and father, have been told things that a human being never should deserve to hear..especially from a mother How do I learn to not hate her? How do I get rid of this guilt? I hate that I hate her but I feel like I've been given no choice. I am so worried my father isn't going to make it more than 5 years due to all the stress and hatred he faces everyday with her. How do we cope?
esavvi esavvi
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

My mother also has depression amongst other issues I also at only 18 have become to resent her for her cruel words of constant anger towards mainly me and my father. I'm not sure off anyway to cope except sticking together with the rest of family and try and help her through what she wants and understand that deep down she dosent mean these dreadful things,which I know at times is hard i generally absorb her hate and then I affects me as well. Even though she is your mother remember to live your life and not worry about offending her or saying the wrong thing.obviously her physical disease makes it harder for her and you and your family to resolve this issue but things should get better soon I wish you all the best and hope theres a way through for u and us same situation x