Crack Is Whack

My mother has been addicted to some form of drugs all of her life. She and my father barely knew each other when I was conceived, so my dad didn't know about these problems.  She seemed normal until I was about 5 and she went back to using. First it was coke, then meth (which made her really violent, I was constantly hiding from her). She tried to kill my father twice (he's fine, she's a bad shot).

One particularly insane and violent night, while she was on a rampage, my dad told my little brother to call the police. They showed up, she resisted,  and they took her away. I wasn't allowed to see her for months. I was 14. She started using more after the divorce and was also diagnosed with schizophrenia.

When I was 18, my brother, who was only 15, died suddenly. Mom showed up drunk at the hospital and blamed my father, causing a terrible scene. My mother became even worse. I began supporting her because I felt so bad. I put her through treatment. I gave her money and paid her rent. Every dime I ever gave her went to crack. I was broke once and couldn't help her and she became so angry that she told me she wished she would have aborted me (I was 20 by then, trying to go to school, live on my own, and work). She would call regularly, threatening to kill herself.

Only in the last few years have I realized that I can't take it anymore. She's not the woman I knew as a child. I'm surprised she's still alive, frankly. I see her once or so a year for a few minutes. I can't bear to be around her any more than that. I feel bad, but I just can't have her in my life and stay sane.

Ticia Ticia
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 16, 2009

(((((((hugs)))))))) It saddens me to think of the horrors that you have had to endure as such a young age. Wishing you love and peace!