The Hatred Is Building...For as long as I can remember my mom has been like this but I just assumed everyone's mom acted that way! It wasn't until I moved away to University last year then came back for the summer, I realized her behavior wasn't normal.
Now I admit, my PA diagnosis is a 'self-discovered' one. Initially I thought she was depressed.
When I researched into it, I happened across a Wiki entry on Passive Aggressive behavior and every point mentioned was a trait my mother possessed. Months of the silent treatment for no apparent reason, moving things of importance then claiming ignorance, saying one thing to me then something else to my dad or friends, manipulation, nasty comments etc. If you confronted her she would reply with an excuse or somehow put the situation on you so that its naturally your fault. The funny thing is when I was very young, she used to treat dad with all of the above, but when I hit thirteen the focus of all her passive aggression turned on me.
Its still this way today! I'm 20 years old ready to turn 21 in a few months. She'll ask dad how his day at work was but when I talk, she sighs and rolls her eyes. Another favorite thing to do is turn the TV up when I talk.
She'll say to me that she wishes I would move back home because she doesn't like me living in the city. But the minute my back is turned, she'll tell dad that she 'wishes I would go away so that they could just be together.'
I got my very first Ace grade on a university paper and she wasn't bothered. Yet at work I have people telling me that she's so proud and won't stop going on about how well I've been doing - just for attention on herself I think.
When I lost my flat, her exact words were 'I can't believe I'M going through this again.' The list is endless! I also found out from dad, he only discovered a few months back, that she had a secret bank account!
To be honest, i'm not sure that discovering 'PA behavior' was the best thing that could happen; I actually find myself resenting her more if thats possible.
All those years the little devil on my shoulder would say 'why is she picking on ME? I'm her daughter and she's being so evil!' Then the angel would counter it with 'She's your mother, and would never do those things. Your seeing things that aren't there. Its you who has the problem.' - I had a kind of comfort in that, blaming myself. But now I know that she's doing it on purpose; it doesn't hurt, it makes me hate her (strike me now for saying it because I know its not good.)
But now that I know, honestly I would give anything not to have a relationship with her (without the guilt.) I see the rest of my life shadowed by this woman who wants to manipulate and sabotage my every move. The woman who single-handedly killed my fathers career is moving to my own and by god I'm not letting it happen!
I wanted to know how to deal with these kinds of people but honestly? I don't personally think I can, Its too late.
Call me pessimistic and nasty but I wish that dad would realize he has lost. Unless he wants to live with this treatment for the rest of his days he should divorce her.
And myself? I can say that when I move away to Norwich I ain't coming home which saddens me, because I'm so close to my father. This has ruined my relationship with HIM. Forget Mom.