This is the way I have come to view my mother at this point.

Until recently, I thought it was just bad events in her life that caused my mother to be angry and gloomy everyday. People have bad things happen to them, and its effects them which is completely understandable. But that's not her problem, its her passive aggressive behavior.

I'm a rather young person, 18 to be exact. I've lived with my parents my whole life, in the same house, and the same day to day life all this time. I also have 3 older half siblings from her previous marriage. That marriage pretty much ended for very common reasons like a loss of communication and growing apart. That happened when my siblings were rather young themselves and didn't sit well with them as one would expect.

Fast forward to when I was born. My mother and father had just gotten married, they were building a nice house for us to live in and it sounds very happy. On the other hand, my siblings lived with their father due to school and what I assume is some of their own difficulties with my mother. I can see why she would be upset with not seeing her children, so this I don't blame her for in the long run.
Even further on into the future, a tragic death happened. My brother overdosed when I was 10 and that absolutely sent her over the edge. He was only 26. During this time I feel her anger and confusion overwhelmed her and pretty much set up how she acts now. I wasn't ever included in family therapy, nor was a allowed to talk about this event which I didn't understand. She refused to talk bout it herself and shut everyone out.

This was the beginning of the end.

Now a days, my life feels like a living hell. She has set up a minefield around herself that goes off at the most basic things. I can't say my opinion on anything as I'm wrong. I have no way of being independent with her being the puppet master of my life. And I can't come out and tell her how I really feel as the threat of the rest of my life crumbling around me. If I move out, my parents marriage will fail (as my father agrees with this idea) and the stability of my pets and sisters will come undone.

Most of my issues with her are similar to most others on this experience, but I feel this long testament doesn't do it justice. For those not understanding how this can be considered passive aggressive, in order to explain it clearly enough would take a very long session which I won't bore you with. Maybe I'll explain more at a later time.

I wanted to write this to relieve some of my frustration, as I'm on the breaking point now. Thank you for your time.
SamiSquare SamiSquare
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

I'm in my late 30s and I've only realised recently that my mother has a passive aggressive personality. Her behaviour is so contradictory and confusing that I couldn't fathom what was actually wrong, often blaming myself.
It's really good that you know what it is that makes your mother the way she is. That's the first step.
There are ways to deal with passive aggression, one thing to remember is to use the language of reality - your reality, not hers. Try not to pander and remember that it's not your fault - that really helps. I'm only learning myself, but if you want to rant some more or need more advice, let me know. You're not alone.