My Horrific Tale Of Surviving A Malignant Narcissistic Mother From Hell And Why I Hate Her!!!Ever since I joined this site I have went back and forth in my mind on whether I wanted to share this story with all of you or not. The main reason is that it is of such a delicate,intense, and very private nature. I didn't know If I felt comfortable enough in my own skin to expose myself in this way or not.I'm not even sure if something like this has ever been shared on this website before. Its excruciating just for me to type it let alone have to rehash it all over again. I do find writing to be quite therapeutic and I do feel that this is part of my healing process.
Telling my story will be soul "elevating" for me.I feel that I want to empower the people on this site but mostly women. And you will soon understand why women are the reason for my sharing my personal experiences with a malignant narcissistic mother.If my story is able to to help just one person change their life through empowering them with knowledge for the better then Im all for it! And I will be utterly elated if that is the outcome.Knowledge is power! And can be the catalyst to amazing changes and transformations!It is my story/journey of what I have endured at the hands of a malignant narcissistic mother.
Growing up as a child I never ever felt loved by anyone. I always intuitively knew that their were family secrets involving "me" but of course wasn't privy to them until much later on in life. I never knew just how devastating those secrets would be for me. And that those secrets embodied lies that would answer a lot of my questions I've had for a good deal of my life. I distinctly remember growing up and feeling more like an ob
My mother was doing this to me because of being a narcissist and my father was merely mimicking her sick behavior.I remember being ignored a lot and that my feelings or needs were insignificant compared to my brothers or anyone elses. We had dogs that were better treated over the years than me!My brother is 4 yrs younger than me. He was the golden child to her as is usual with the narcissistic mother. She usually does pick just one child and dotes on that child. They can do no wrong and they get everything they want and need period!
You however get nothing but abuse in all its shapes and forms. You even get thrown into the hands of your molester (my grandfather aka fathers father). Because it is their job to inflict as much pain as possible and inflict pain is what they do well. I remember asking my grandmother if I was adopted around the age of 7. I couldn't understand why my relationship with my mother was so abusive and unloving. I actually thought I had been adopted because I never fit in. I never felt accepted,loved,respected,nurtured,or appreciated by my mother when growing up.
My father always felt obligated to take her side even though their were times when he knew she was flat out wrong. He told me once that he was married to her and that he had no choice but to go along with what she wanted otherwise she would make his life a living hell for it.I did know back then that this behavior was wrong on both their parts. I just didn't understand why I was being treated so badly.And why my brother got all the love,nurturing,acceptance,respect, and appreciation over the years. Why was I viewed and treated as the "pariah" of the family?
Well first of all I wouldn't find out that answer until many years later. (I was 22 yrs old and just married in July of 1993)When I was visiting my family during Christmas and newly married. My husband was there when this very critical and important part of the piece of the puzzle was revealed. My mother had wrapped several gifts the night before we were to have a family party. We as a family opened our gifts and I see that my mother has given me a dust buster for Christmas. Wow ok is she trying to send me a message or what? How narcissistic and abusive can you get?
I by the way am a clean freak and am very organized. My husband and son call me the clean freak. In this box along with the dust buster is suppose to be an electric pair of scissors. Which looks pretty cool but isn't actually in the box. I know that if I don't bring this up right now it will be swept under the carpet as usual and my feelings and needs will once again be ignored. So I mention to my mother that the scissors are missing and does she know where they are? She says NO. The next day which is the day after Christmas my aunt comes over along with the rest of our entire family to play cards, have dinner, and exchange gifts.
This aunt is also one of my mothers sisters. She opens her gift and what do you know she gets a pair of electric scissors for Christmas from my mother. They are the same exact pair that was suppose to be part of my original gift but were missing from my box. I turn to her and say btw those were suppose to be mine but my mother decided to give them to you instead by taking them out of my box without telling or asking me if it were ok to do so. I told her that it was ok for her to keep them as I didn't want them.
I say to my mother why did you take the pair of scissors out of my box without first asking me if it were ok? My father flips out screaming at the top of his lungs....you are the one s**** that had to make it past your mothers sponge and to the egg. You just had to f****** be born didn't you!?!?!? You were an accident and we didn't want you!!!!And this mind you is in front of MY entire family. All of my uncles,aunts,cousins,grand parents, plus my husband as well. I was completely and utterly mortified and in total shock! In that moment everything came rushing back in my mind about why I was treated so badly.
I suddenly and quite finally had my answer. And this is the treatment I get for standing up for myself! It all made perfect sense as to why I felt the way I did. And also why all of the abuse. Fast forward a few years later and my mother says to me that she poisoned me on purpose with wine tainted breast milk. She says she didn't want me and didn't want to take care of me. So that's why she decided after she brought me home from the hospital that she would get very drunk on wine.
And then breast feed me (her newborn infant) in order to effectively knock me out for 24 hrs plus so she wouldn't be burdened with having to care for me. This was answer #2 for me because I wanted to know why I have had a non verbal learning disorder all my life. I struggled badly throughout my whole school career because of it and still do to this day. As shes telling me this info she is cackling like a witch and hysterically laughing and enjoying/feeding off of my pain. Much like a vampire would. Narcissists enjoy inflicting pain and they also enjoy witnessing your reaction to it as well.
Malignant is the worst kind!!! You do have to ask yourself what kind of mother would do this to their child?My wedding day was also an absolute nightmare! She made sure to turn off our air conditioner in our house while my husband and I were out preparing/hair and nails for our wedding. This totally pissed my husband off! We had our reception in our home.And we had around 65 to 70 guests coming.It was to be 105 that day and we set a record for the hottest day in several decades.
She asked me if there were anything I needed her to do while we were gone and I said she could set a few small tables. Of course when we get back its not done. She also went out of her way to wear an ALL lace cream/white dress that had pearl buttons going from one end to the other. It looked like a freaking WEDDING DRESS!!! I'm thinking whose getting married today and WHOM is the BRIDE????And she bought ALL of my jewelry as replicas so she could look just like me!!! This pissed me off so badly! I asked her to wear something else and to not wear the jewelry.
Yup you guessed it she said NO. She was also conveniently for her 2,000 miles away at my house when this went down at the last minute. So there was no changing into another dress.She was always trying to compete with me over the years including my own wedding day. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't have invited them at all.I remember as a teenager she would say to me that she wished I could fit into her size 7 clothes so that she wouldn't have to waste extra money buying me a BIGGER size! It was always her way or the highway!
I also remember another time her and I were walking outside when these two men in a car drive by and whistle. I say to her hey mom those guys just whistled at us. She says to me oh no no no...insert my name here....they wernt whistling at you they were whistling at me!!! She always had a knack for putting me down and making me feel like s***. She made me break up with a boyfriend in High School just because he didn't make enough money. He worked at a sawmill and was a very hard worker! He was a very nice man and money isn't important to me. Marrying for love is!
And that's what I did.When I was 15 I told my family for the second time that my grandfather was molesting me. This time they finally listened to me. They put me in therapy after the cops showed up at my junior high clearing the classroom that I was in. They questioned me about my grandfathers involvement with me aka molestation. I told them that he had been molesting me since I was 4 yrs old.They wanted to know if their was anyone else and I told them the neighbor girls would come over to get candy from him.
I didn't know who they were at the time but I was sure he was molesting them as well. He was bragging to me about the pretty girls that lived on his block and that he was friends with them. That they used to come over to his house and get candy from him.I remember stopping my grandfather from grooming my brother. We were down in the ba
I remember when I was in therapy at the age of 15 and my girl cousin said to me if I wasn't such a tomboy none of this would have happened to me.And if I had stayed home and cooked and baked instead with my mother he wouldn't have molested me.That essentially it was my fault for being molested! Well guess what it was absolutely NOT my fault! I loved fishing and went often as a child. I picked up a chair right after she said this to me in front of my fathers family. And tried to crash it over her head and my father stopped me just in the nick of time.
I know that violence doesn't solve anything but dammit I was very irrate with her at saying what she said about me and the situation with my grandfather. I remember my father disowning his father for a period of about 6 to 8 months. Then one day he said he needed his father back in his life and poof he was right back at trying to molest me all over again. He would say things like hmm insert my name here...your *** is getting fat and you need to lose some weight. This is while he is sitting 20 feet from behind me and I'm sitting on the floor watching TV at MY house.
I went and told my mother and she said...oh just stay in a different room than he is in and ignore him.Totally cold and non supportive! I got mad and went to get my keys to my car as I was 16 and earned the money myself to buy it. I remember going down across town as far as I could get. I pulled over and just sobbed non
He lied to me and told me he had forgotten something at his house and wanted me to go with him. So I went and he tried it again. I went running out of the house and walked home.My mother says to me in response to this episode...oooh....insert my name here....your grandfather loves you and only wanted to give you a kiss...wtf...a tongue kiss...yeah I dont think so. Do you see just how abusive a narcissistic mother can be? Third question is finally answered right after I told my family about my grandfather. At the age of 15 I also finally got my period. I was a late bloomer.
Due to the extreme stress I was under in dealing with what happened to me, when I got my period for the first time I also received something else. I remember I was in Junior high and I was walking home clear across town that day. It was a very HOT day. I remember my legs rubbing up against each other as I walk home. Im in extreme pain from hell and I dont know why!!! I barely make it home and crumble to the floor of my parents living room. They are sitting there and I tell them I need to go to the doctor right away. Interestingly enough my mother takes me to the exact doctor that delivered me as well.
He says I need to go to a gynecologist after showing him my private area. I then go to my mothers gynecologist and they take a culture of the spot on my private area. Two weeks later it comes back positive for Herpes!!! Now listen to this intriguing part of the story. The doc says to my mother that I am a virgin but that I could have given a guy a blank. Mind you I'm 15 a VIRGIN and NOT allowed to date till I'm 16. And then when I am able to date I don't until I'm 18. I then lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the age of 19.And the first and only man I have ever given a blank to is MY husband!!!
I ask you how the hell does a VIRGIN get herpes given ALL of those facts??? This is the absolute truth!!! I finally find out the rest of this story and how I got it later on in my late 30's!!!Growing up as a teenager and not understanding what the hell has happened to you. Feeling so devastated and thinking your whole life is over. That no man will ever want you. Feeling like a total freak!!! And feeling also suicidal back then. I am on the phone one evening on a 3 way call with both of my mothers sisters aka my 2 aunts. The one aunt says hey I need to tell you something.
She says your parents should have told you this a long time ago but because they havn't I feel obligated to tell you. She says that while my father was in Vietnam he had sex with several prostitutes. Meanwhile my mother was 8 1/2 months pregnant with me at the time. He comes home because its getting close to the due date. My father had sex with my mother and gave her Herpes. She then freaks out and calls my aunt to come to Virginia where my father is stationed at. She says she is in a total panic and doesn't know what to do. She has a BIG outbreak down south and is very worried about it.
She tells her about the fight they had involving the hookers in Vietnam and that she got Herpes from him. My aunt saw the actual Herpes outbreak! And there is no reason why my aunt would lie to me especially when the other aunt is backing up the whole story while on the phone with me. The other aunt then says oh yeah we have known all this time while you were growing up including your grandmother! We just thought that your parents would have told you by now. Now Im getting really incensed!
Because my mother would lie to me and tell me that my father gave her something but that it was curable in other words that it wasn't herpes. And then she would also put me down for being diagnosed with it and treat me like s***. Meanwhile all the while she HAD it and is the one that gave it to me!!!! Hypocrite...can you spell Hypocrite...? What a despicable human being she IS!!! She used to come in while I was taking baths and anxiously ask am I done. And when I was done she would come rushing in with a BIG pot of boiling water, an industrial sized scrub brush, and thick rubber gloves.
As soon as I was done she would seize the bath tub and disinfect it thoroughly. She wanted to make sure that nobody else would get what I have. She hid this from me. The truth that would have set me free and allowed me to feel somewhat normal. Instead I grew up feeling like a total freak and was actually suicidal because of her LIE/SECRET!!!I was so very depressed and all alone!!! Do you know that herpes can be found on your lips and inside your mouth.My mother actually would push me away as a young child when I tried to kiss her because she had sores on her face and lips.
This is something I wasnt able to piece together until much later on in life. I connected the dots when my aunts got involved.Herpes Simplex 1 can be spread downstairs as well via kissing and oral sex. Even if you don't have an outbreak you can still give it to your partner because you are constantly shedding the virus. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people aged 14 to 49 years have genital HSV-2 infection.
Also I believe if my math calculations are correct...16.2% of the US population(US pop...311 million people as of December 2011) would be roughly 49 million infected people with!!! If you are at all interested in more detailed info please visit the CDC website.This is why I HATE my mother and father!!! My mother called me at the end of last year because of a female cousin that died. She tried to use her death to get back in to my life. This is when I confronted her about Herpes. (She recently and finally sent me HER final testament and will papers taking me out of the will as I directed her to do...because I dont want anything from her period!!!
She said some really sick and demeaning false things in that paperwork attacking me like she always does! Essentially showing her true colors! Boy did that **** her off! The fact that Im not money hungry and selfish like she is!)She did not dare deny the story because she knows that she would get one nasty call from her sisters if she did. They would certainly set her *** straight! She didn't accept my anger or how I felt. My father didn't deny the story either. You want to know why because they know its the truth!!!
But my father wants to blame it all on my mother and say she was a ***** while she was pregnant with me. That she screwed some stranger and thats how she got it. No it couldn't possibly be because you were screwing hookers while in Vietnam!!! This is how damned ignorant my father is....he says that all of the hookers he was with were clean and didn't have any STD's because he watched them clean themselves right before they had sex with him and oh he wore a condom!!! WTF!!! I tried to explain it to him but he is in denial and doesn't want to deal with the ramifications of his own actions.
What else is new about that...not damned much. Btw my father also tried to kill me on my HS graduation day because my mother lied to him. She told him that I tried to run her over with my car. How am I supposed to do that if Im backing down the driveway AWAY from her? He beat me so badly after she lied to him that he put 57 bruises all over my body from my ankles to my neck!!! I had hand marks/strangulation marks on both sides of my neck. I graduated by myself after having a girlfriend and her mother pick me up at my house.
The majority of my bruises were hidden by my gown but I could not hide the tears streaming down my face as my classmates are asking me what is wrong. Right before they showed up my father trapped me in the ba
S******* down and they took pics of my whole body while I filled out paper work to file an assault and battery charge against my father.To escape my horrific parents I had to drop the charges and I flew out to the east coast to be a nanny.I recently stopped talking with my father because my father is a raging alcoholic and chain smoker. All he cares about is his new wife which is an alcoholic and chain smoker as well.My father has lied to me and betrayed me as often as my mother has! He passes out while Im talking to him on the phone.
He then mixes major pain pills with lots of alcohol and they have to call 911 because he has stopped breathing. He has had two strokes because of my mother screwing his best friend for 5 yrs. He shouldn't be drinking period!I cant be victimized by him anymore. I'm done!!!During this whole time growing up even my brother was against me and loved every minute of what happened to me. And what he got out of it as well. He would sneak into my room and take my lipstick/lipgloss and bite it off putting teeth marks in it. And he would also steal my audio cassettes and tape over them with his music.
He also stole my id bracelet I got from my grandmother for being confirmed/confirmation in our church. It was a really nice sterling silver bracelet with my name on it. He took that and sanded my name half off of it effectively destroying it. I found it in his room. Told my parents about it and they excused his behavior away and said it was ok just like all the rest of it. I was always being blamed for stuff I didn't do but that he did do. I also don't speak to my brother because he is highly abusive and a drug addict!!!
I am very aware of the need to protect myself and my son.My mother also tried to blame me for getting Herpes and accusing my grandfather of giving it to me just for the sheer fact because he had molested me. I told her NO back then as a teenager that he hadn't actually had sex with me. He only touched me with his hands. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away so that he couldn't. She was looking for a scapegoat instead of owning up to what had really happened!!! She doesn't care about how much damage this has done to me or my life either.
HERPES does NOT define me and who I am!!! Its only a virus.!HERPES does not define me anymore than CANCER defines a CANCER patient or HIV defines an HIV patient. It is an unfortunate reality for some of us!I really wish that people would stop and think before they say and do things to one another. It really does have a lasting affect on a persons psyche/life. I wish we lived in a world/society where people didn't judge each other and could actually see past who you are and into your SOUL.
And that they could then be treated with respect and unconditionally loved for who they are instead of who they arent. **I wish that the majority of people in our society could practice acceptance rather than rejection of others that are different than themselves.** **People fear what they do not understand!!!** I do want to thank those of you here on this website for taking the time to read the story of my life. I also thank you in advance for your support and kindness.I'm really hoping that this info I have shared with all of you some how helps someone. If but one person it helps it will have been all worth it. Lots of Love and Peace to All....Be Well...:)
PS I have alot of compassion and empathy for others around me. I understand and sympathize with more people and their situations than you might think. I DO NOT judge or discriminate against others as I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge another accept for God himself! I try always to treat others the way I would want to be treated back aka the golden rule.But I cannot and will not tolerate a person to abuse me in any way shape or form regardless of who you are or what youve been thru in life!!!
I've been around totally normal people,sexually abused people, drug addicts,alcoholics,out of control gamblers,retarded/challenged people,Breast Cancer/Prostate Cancer/Colon Cancer relatives and friends, kidney disease,Priapism,Diabetes,learning disabilities,COPD/Empyzema,prostitutes,criminals/felons,mentally ill people/Bipolar/ADD/ADHD/NPD/SPD/OCD,PTSD,anxiety/panic disorder/depression/molesters,rapists,deaf children and adults, gay/lesbian,straight,bi,people with Herpes,HPV,HIV, people of most religions/muslim,etc etc etc...
And they all have one thing in common and that is that they are all HUMAN and just want to be LOVED!!! Some times this is not possible for certain individuals to go on having a relationship let alone a healthy relationship with some of these individuals. Because their individual situations prevent that from happening. Their individual realities are not conducive in making it work.
PPS I recently found out some new info about my father and mother. My father was raped by his brother when he was a teenager. His brother aka my uncle was in the Navy and would come home and rape my father whom was a teenager at the time. My mother forced my aunt to perform oral on her when they were younger. There is evidence that my mother was either raped or molested by her father.
PPPS I also want to say that I feel that just because I was a virgin when my herpes decided to surface does NOT make me any better than someone who actually got it thru having sex or was raped and got it that way. Only different circumstances is all. Btw I am on 800 mg of Acyclovir per day (Two 400 mg tabs) to suppress my outbreaks. And Within the last 3 yrs of working with an outstanding OBGYN/Gynecologist I have been able to cut down on my outbreaks quite substantially by taking a birth control pill called....YAZ...it stops me from having a period hence the period is what was triggering my outbreaks...aka...hormonal fluctuations. I also take vitamin C every day to keep my immune system up. I used to get outbreaks monthly for decades and now Im only getting them once or twice a year if even that.
*You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt, Activist You Learn by Living
defdevestated 41-45, F 14 Responses 10 Sep 8, 2012