Narcisstic So-called Best Friend

I fall in to the "needy" category.

I have this friend of like 12 years that treats me like trash because im isolated and i have poor self esteem and i suffer from manic depression. sounds fun, right? (sarcasm) ive known her since pre-k and we hung tight until 4th grade when i moved. we met up again in ninth grade and have been thick as thieves since. but i think she is a complete narcisst. i listen to her talk about her menial problems and offer advice. but she never does that for me.

for example, there is this guy, yep theres always a guy...but me and him were really feeling eachother for about four months but we never made it official for some unknown reason... but he decides that im moving too slow for him so he wants me to hook him up with one of my friends so im like "hell no are you crazy!?" so he gets pissed and hangs up on me and little did i know he would call my so called best friend... hmmm thats interesting right? how did he get her number? apparently he saved it to his phone when i called him from it once. soooo they are talking for like two weeks and i find out in the most strange way. one day me and her are on the phone so she says "hold on its your boo" so i laugh and im like "what are you talking about"? so she clicks over and im on hold for like five minutes which was enough time for me to put the phone down, go to the bathroom wash my hands and grab a soda. so she clicks back over giggling so im like "dang i thought you died on the other line" so shes like "oh it was just ******" im in shock like oookkkk. what is she talking to him for? she kept me on hold for five minutes to talk to my sort of ex... this story goes sooo much deeper but its late and ive got school tommorrow so moving on..

she calls me to tell me about her "oh so horrible" days (sarcasm)
and she doesnt even say hi or whats up or what you doin before she starts running her mouth... rude right? but when im going through something like helping my mom with the gas & electric bill, my little brother running away, or something along those lines, all she says is "damn well girl guess what happened man my neck is hurting i think i slept on it the wrong way".. wtf is up with this girl shes not wrapped to tight, huh?

she talks big but when it really counts shes never there. If I come to her with a problem she tells me how it never would have happened to her or how she would have done it better. my moments of weakness are moments to make her feel superior

she takes every opportunity to brag about herself. If I got an A on a test, she got an A+. If she cant lie to say she got the A+, then her brother or cousin did it better than me

it never ends....

the lying is sickening. ne day, she will say, "I hate chicken", but if she wants to flatter some guy she likes she suddenly loves it

This bothers me because im lonely and she is one of my only friends; that's why I try so hard to make it work.

I would really appreciate some of your thoughts on what i should do or say to her about how she treats me because i have said this to her and something just doesnt seem to be clicking....
ittooktoolong ittooktoolong
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 9, 2007

i think its time to move on...with the little self respect u have left I have just had the same scenario had me so stressed she had been a friend since we were young everytime i went to grow she knocked me down.. devalued me took my power away to feel good about myself.I dont think she saw me as a person in the end just sort of someone to act out dramas to and prove she was dominant.. I found it terribly hard and she rubbished me for months .. but no regrets here I feel much lighter.. and feel like I have room to meet new people who care :) good luck.. and do yourself a favour get rid of her!!!!!

I had a problem like that once. I can feel your pain as I read your story. YOu already are on the road to more positive things because you are self- aware. YOu know that you have low self-esteem. That in itself is such a positive thing. YOu are VERY intelligent! YOu need to begin some type of improvement program: further schooling, community class, join some type of group, etc. Get so busy with the business of bettering yourself so that you no longer have time for this "friend". Change your phone number if you have to. Move if you have to. Your life is at stake. This person in your life is an emotional vempire, and she is sucking the life out of you. Remember, you do have the power to control this situation. I garrantee you, that you can change your circumstances! I don't know what happened in your life to cause low-self esteem, but there are groups that you can join that can help with this. ALANON is a great start if there was substance abuse in your family. No matter how others treat you, you can help your self. YOU ARE WORTH IT! God created you, and he did not put you here for others to use and abuse!

You have a lot of understanding in this situation. I think you are nearly there: to leave her. But beware she will try and manipulate you to come back.<br />
Sorry but she does not really care about other people.<br />
Love yourself first.

*work (not worth)

Honestly, I guess it depends on how much of yourself you're really willing to risk to make that friendship worth. I've been on both sides of that situation, and in one case I had to give up on a friend who could be funny, but not supportive. On the other hand, with another still friend I felt like she was talking down to me when she started trying to tell me why I was unhappy through a long period of time where I felt like she was already diagnosing me. At the end she apologized and said that she really wasn't trying to act more important or better than me by trying to tell me what my problems were and in fact she somehow felt I was superior in how I handled my problems. That, of course, completely threw me through a loop because I have some of my own insecurities to begin with and I really did not feel superior to her but I felt attacked and wanted to say something to diagnose her back at the point where she had upset me. I guess what it comes down to and the fact that your friend isn't fixing this problem after you've spoken to her about it, doesn't seem to pose a good outcome for that friendship. Good luck though!

good. if it helps, i perfer to look at myself as a body. and i like to keep my body healthy. people like her are a cancer that will slowly but surely kill you. so i do whatever it takes to rid my body of cancers and parasites like her. i suggest you do the same. and it seems like you plan on doing so.

hon. you have to realize that the only person who can ever truly make you happy is you. you have to learn to say **** the world and everyone in it. once you do that and start relying on yourself to make you up and such, then you will feel much better about everything and see that you dont need people like that in your life. remember these cliches. its always darkest before it gets light, from chaos comes order, and sometimes to gain control, you must lose control. it may not make sense now, but when you hit that time in life when you can truly say **** it all and believe it, then it will make perfect sense.