Damn I hate this!!!

empty Inaction, stillness, and idleness!!!!

you most likely share the same feelings, no i'm sure of it..

I had previously wrote: I just should let things do their thing and I mine, by just allowing it!

kinda just me trying to permit a no manipulate clause in the world around me.

I never would have guessed just how boring it has been for the past few months!!! :/

 I've been Kinda just watching from my perch, hoping something different comes along.

It's almost like wanting to write and hoping those letters just miraculous fall on the page!

 Now I heard and dream of Divine occurrences happening to or for me , but it just seems like this just not gonna happen, unless I press

the issue.

I'm trying to think about something... UHHHHHhh  nope ain't working....

 Something, something, just something happen, that might provide a positive impact on my situation!  Abra Abra whatEva....

Nope.. :/

 Hopefully whatever it is, when it happens, might it impart a bit more drive, maybe a want or at least motivation to escape from the current inactive doldrums that are seemingly pressing themselves about me, an attempting at a hindering in my progression ! lack of manipulation

  I attempt hoping for an escape to occur upon itself !

Grrrr  nope!!!

 I hate the lack of betterment in my Life, I'm sure you feel dread at this also.

 Think maybe I'll just feed the desire ,force some tiny manipulation?

 Lately, It's been kinda like going out to a dinner ,even though not I'm not truly hungry for food , but it's different, Know What I mean?..

hopefully just to do something, shake out something, maybe ? Bitoch

I had a great Idea, I'll just scurry out to Barnes and Nobles, acquire a new book,(on  a topic that I Always enjoyed),

re-reflect, wonder, hope and truly further enlighten my past affirmation to knowledge and hopefully strengthen its understanding?


 Now later, As I write, I look over and there it lays!

No creases, smudges or bent cover?

It just lays Idle and say's or projects nothing... :(

guess I'll pick it up and open it..

Crap I had to further manipulated it....


Funny how it shakes out...Life , thought and Beliefs
Kinda like belief and theory's that I have compiled. Nothing happens unless I make it happen, expose myself to them..

My theories change, as I progress further along it's travels, question it's direction and alter it  to seem more logical...

Seems a bad thing for  me, I continually look upon things as directions, causes and effects during my life and these continuing course alterations seem to continually change to better suit the thought that caused the journey...

  Damn, this alone and in its self causes allot of duress, confusion and self doubt!   Attempting that step forward falters and becomes even harder to make, fearing that those theories are just
incorrect, and most likely shouldn't have been ventured into and create isolation and inaction through self doubt...

brush ones self off and after Years and years of trial and error, stumbles seem to take its toll on my condition, my thought processes start to falter  to dare those additional attempts to find and explain ones own inaccurate limitations.

Allot times I flounder till I seem to splash, at times thankfully, into accidentally the proper course! , again I should just allow things to happen...  Not!!! then I wouldn't have tried... which means a need for manipulation...

Where the hecks the eraser for those doubts that slow my progression?

maybe I should look to an etch-a-sketch for solace, to just be able to shake out those bad thoughts, erase and redraw/ Nope!  then I'd lose all the inaccurate old faults I've learned from... Hmmm 

I better start to manipulate and learn more..

.i'll get back to ya!

Randysdot Randysdot
51-55, M
1 Response Mar 15, 2010

I can relate to your story in some ways. It is frustrating. Yes, a giant eraser for life may clear past decisions, but would also delete what has made us wise. <br />
Best Wishes. <br />