Why Can't People Ever Like Each Other At the Same Time?!?!?!?

October 29, 2006


I turn to this writing stuff when there’s nothing else that works…it’s a desperate act, sometimes.  I’m so ******* tired of being rejected and, I don’t understand it one bit.  Yesterday, I called “Nicky” and told him that I needed him…just to sit here with me and watch football.  (And, I can’t stand football.  But, I’m so ******* lonely for human companionship, interaction…some kind of connection.  I would have been happy just to have him sitting on the couch with me.  He’d said at the beginning of all this that he was looking for companionship.  He seems too dysfunctional to ever even leave his house.  He certainly hasn’t been over here in a LONG time.)  He never came (not that I believed, for one second, that he would.  But, I really, really hoped I’d be “blessed” with his presence.)  Last night, I called to ask him for some money.  He gave me $7.  He “wasn’t feeling well.”  This morning, I called again to ask him if he was busy.  “Yes.  I’ll call you later.”  I just said bye and hung up.  The entire “conversation” lasted 32 seconds.  I called him again this afternoon and pleaded with him to just tell me to stop calling him.  It’s like I can’t stop as long as I believe he wants me to call.  I’m not good at “getting the message,” or “reading between the lines.”  But, I’m not calling him anymore.  He yelled at me today, (For the record, I do NOT see him everyday.. maybe once or twice a week and, it’s always the same…at his house….  And, we rarely have decent conversations.  I mean, occasionally, they occur.  But, mostly, if we talk, it’s only for a couple of seconds and then it’s only for him to tell me he’ll call me back…which, he never does.  He’s always been this way.  I just have always figured that’s the way he was.  When he wants to see me, he calls…but not until then.  I NEVER can call him up and receive anything UPON MY REQUEST.)  “What are you talking about, “Abby”?  Why do I have to go through this **** with you every couple of days?  I talk to you everyday.  I see you everyday.  What don’t you understand?  I told you:  I have to go.”  Yeah.  That’s the last time I’ll allow him to humiliate me like that.  It’s embarrassing to me that it’s not the first time someone has responded to me like that.  I don’t know why people have to be so turned off of someone showing them attention.  No one ever wants my love…for longer than a moment.  I’m everyone’s “moment-girl.”  And, everyone always makes it seem like I’m some type of crazy-stalker-*****.  I’m not. But, I’m REALLY starting to get a complex.


I don’t know how to do things differently.  I don’t know how to do anything but be me.  It seems I’m constantly being told (in one way or another) that there’s something wrong with me.  Everyone wants to pass me off for someone else to “deal” with.  Why is it so difficult for people to just love and appreciate me?  Am I unlovable?


I don’t have any weed.  I don’t know how I’ll ever get any sleep tonight.  I need a REAL friend so badly.  I hate to allow myself to need people.  They rarely come through.  People seem to be completely devoid of genuine compassion.  Or I don’t believe in anyone anymore.  I still feel empty and full of frustration and conflict and unbearable pain, all at the same time.  Gin doesn’t work…or cigarettes…weed, either.  Nothing masks the pain anymore.  All I need is love.  Seriously…..real, unconditional, invested love.  If someone couldn’t give me love, it’d be really healing if I could give love.  I guess my love is no good, either.  Even ******* “Silk” won’t respond to me now.


Makes me want to crawl under some covers and never come out….or find a cave to cower in.  I mean, **** it….if I have to be alone, I’d rather be ALL the way alone…then the isolation would be justified and make more sense.



MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
4 Responses Oct 30, 2006

I have lost friends and it took so much effort to not call them right after I had our last argument. It sucks to invest time in people, genuinely care about them and have them take you for granted. It sucks to know you are worth love but not really receive it. It sucks to give people the attention you would like to receive, just to receive BS at the end. I am going through it right now. I am sick and tired of the childish need of wanting a "posse". A group of people that are your friends that you "belong" to. I had it and it bit me in the ***. They betrayed me and took every info they had on me to use it against me to others, like schoolgirls. I am fed up with being scared to be myself because I have dealt with more people that didn't "get" me, then people that did. The people I called my "best friends" until March 2008 told me several times how they couldn't see me make new friends even though I did over and over again. I am growing up and getting stronger. Being sexually attached to someone is just so powerfull sometimes....

I feel the same way. It sucks .. They say it will get better...

Being needy is sooo demeaning. I'd rather be alone. I finally got over it after I read "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt - it gave me the symptoms and signals guys hand out. As so many people say - we have to love ourselves before anyone else will really love us. I have been single now for 10 years learning this and I'm in my 60's don't wait that long!!!! Get the book - watch his show. Mox

I am sorry to read this and feel the pain ou felt while writing this. I know someone that is going through the same thing, we were friends now aquantinces as we have to many diffrences. But I too feel her pain of not being able to connect with some one, and as a social butterfly I could not imagine it. The best thing to do is really, not to stop trying and maybe cast your net wider (I was in the smae position spoke to people I thought I wouldnt get along with and now i have some of the best friends) take up a new hobby, or sport or join a group, something, no one deserves to be friendless. I hope all things go well.