Just Everything Different From The Live I Have Now?!

I basically have  the same New Year's Resolutions every year... They never really worked out.... But I'm hoping for something like a wonder..

The most important Resolution is that I want to become a more happy person. failed

Sounds easy.. I know.. But it's not for me, because I suffer from manic depression for about 5 years now. This point also includes that i want to stop cutting myself. I almost got it done this year.. so maybe.. If not I also wouldn't have a problem with it... Beceause I cut only about 10 times a year.. so yeah.. it's not really a problem

I want to get more self-confidence. This includes also that I want to seem more confident to others. If I have to do a presentation or something at school I always think about "Do I look OK? Where should I look at? Are my clothes OK?" I hate that so much.. I want to get rid of it.. So I want to talk in front of public whenever I got the chance to. Well not always, but at least sometimes..and not always hiding behind something. failed

I want to reduce my lying. I lie so much. I want to be more honest to everybody. But the problem is, that you can't just jump out of you're old life and say "Hey, Hello! Here I am. You probably didn't know..But I'm cutting myself for 4years. OK, so when are we going to have dinner?" I mean they would probably force me to a treatment. reduced it a little

I want to have at least a date this year. My love life on a scale from 0-10 (10 is the best) would be 0. If not -1.  failed

I want to meet some great friends, I can trust and whom I really like. failed (I mean I met some great people on here but not in "real life")

I want to concentrate more on school. I do :)

But that's all not so important. I ONLY WANT TO GET RID OF DEPRESSIONS. God, I hate them. Sometimes I feel great for 3 days. I think "Yes! Great! I think I won't ever have them again..I just feel so good" And then suddenly.. They're back. Reminding me how life sucks and how much I hate myself and how much my dreams won't ever get real. failed completely

written in italic: edited, Dec. 2. 2007

2 years after, Dec. 18. 2008:

more happy person.. hmm I don't know.. depends really.. I don't have the constant kind of depression any more, but I don't know what's better.. constant and not suicidal, or every now and then but worse..

more self confidence: failed (-> new years resolution for 2009!)

reduce lying: probably, yes!

love life: still a 0, but that seems best for me at the moment. I'll have to be able to love myself first.

new great friends: well, I realized that those I have aren't that bad :)

concentrate on school: until now, yes. not any more. why should I concentrate on something that only makes me frustrated? I'll just pass graduation somehow, and then we'll see..

getting rid of depressions: see "more happy person"

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Dec 28, 2006