My Mil Accused Me Of Kidnapping Her Son (my Husband) :s

Today was the only day I've had off work in the past 10 days; so I expected to be able to chill out and relax (as you might - I have no children). So I went downstairs to have some breakfast; on the way down I heard my mil arguing with my husband. This was not unusual because they argue on a regular basis, which is one of the reasons he wants to move out, they get on but cant live together. So anyway I though I'd wait a few minutes in the hope that it would all blow over.

But then she said it, my mil said to my husband that "SHE has kidnapped my son" - The first though that ran through my head was how have I kidnapped him, he's standing right in front of you??!! I quickly angered at this, I though how dare she accuse me of things I haven't done!! Then she went on to say that she used to be the important one in his life and he used to take her places; then she said "When you got married, she took over, like i'm nothing! You take her out, why cant you take me out. You tell her things, why don't you tell me things. You don't come and sit next to me anymore but you sit with her."

Then she said again about it all changed the moment you got married. I have never discouraged my husband from having a relationship with his mother; I actually encourage it because I've always believed in the fact that our parents are always going to be our parents, no one can replace them. So I have never stopped or said things about not having a good relationship with his mother. So why is it that she went on to say that no one can ever look after your child the same way you can; no one can ever replace that. For a few minutes I thought about this, what was it she was trying to say? I think she was trying to say that I'm never going to be as good as her at doing things for her son (my husband).

I think it would be a good time to point out that he is not a mommas boy, but I think that's exactly what she wants; her son to be a mommas boy!!! She moaned about all the things that she used to do for her son that I have taken over or he does for himself now, like making his dinner, getting his lunch ready for work. A couple of months ago she actually snapped at me and said "I used to do his lunch". Yeh used to, he's grown up now. The only reason I do his lunch is because I usually do mine at the same time, and if I don't want to make lunch then he has no issue in doing it instead.

The thing that got on my nerves the most is when she said that she is more important than I am!!!!!!! I almost feel like she wants to be married to him (she's divorced). It feels like there is definitely 3 people in this marriage and she really needs to butt out!!!!

I really am dreading the day we move out because I know she will make it an absolute hellish day for us! If its this bad now and we haven't even gone anywhere, what will she do when we start house hunting?!!!

It makes me sick thinking about it; knowing that she thinks I kidnapped her son, she thinks her loneliness is my responsibility and thinks that she is more important than I am! I think she needs a medical assessment; she made me feel like she was married to her son and I was the one he was having an affair with!!!

Please someone help me!!!!
c0nfuzed c0nfuzed
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I agree with others on u needing to create distance as she will never change, my ex mil told my ex if we had kids I would blackmail him and hen would never b able to look after her anymore.....unfortunately my ex wasn't as strong as urs - b careful and awRe of her strategies.... I was blindsided by my mil

Oh dear I can relate, my mil was the same, she treated my ex-husband like he was her partner due to her own marriage being unhappy....so common unfortunately but one never acknowledges the existence of such mil until one experiences it first hand

Hi. She really is giving u a tough time. But hunny like I said before these r one of many tricks In the world to get you both to stay. This is so that she has the power and control over your lives. The sad thing Is these mil have a way of playing with emotions that will hurt. Hunny all I can advice Is stay united with ur dear hubby n mooooove out!!! Her selfish behaviour will never change....her own agenda of unhappiness is not ur problem and all she will do is blame u and that is because ur hubby loves u..... she can clearly see that but can't accept. Y??? Coz she wants to me the center of attention. Also don't even make the mistake of taking her with u whilst u look for ur place as she will always find things wrong with properties, its another game to keep u there longer.... so feel for u :-( Keep strong and good luck. X

Thanks so much for your advice, it felt like a hug. Yeh her guilt trips always feel like her way of delaying us or trying to prevent us moving out. I don't know if she realises how much it hurts though, telling me I stole her son away. She's said she will never change. I just wish we were moving out tomorrow. X

Dear c0nfuzed,
I wonder why both of us or many like us are going through the same thing? My MIL did say to me "You steal my son !! We never touch single penny of his income , you go and finish it off !! you rot and die!!" and the list goes on. Every minute of the day her words are killing me from inside.I have reached a point where I can't sink it in anymore.I even tried to hurt myself...Husband says ignore, he can't say a thing against his parents. You are not alone hun, I can feel your pain, you are a strong woman who is standing for herself..take care :o)

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. As much as you can try to not let her words bother you, there will always be a time when they will dig in deep. Whether they do it intentionally or not, the things they say are unnecessary. To me they seem like the weak ones because they're the ones that need to use words to hurt people instead of dealing with their own issues.
I'd love to hear more about your story X