To My Opinionated Mil: I'm Not Always Gonna Be Able To Bite My Tongue!

So I live with my very extremely opinionated mil; who thinks I do not have a brain of my own. she watches my every move within the house, always wants to know why ive been out, who ive been with, what I did. even my own parents never used to ask that much! I know I live in her house so when I know I have plans I always let her know just incase she wanted to plan anything at the same time; there have been times ive changed my plans just to suit her but I will not do it every single time. I cant cook without her bothering me, sometimes its not because she wants to even talk to me, its just so she can spy on me. but believe me, when she wants to give her opinion, she makes sure everyone in the country has heard it.

When we got married she though she would be able to walk all over me, she used to ask me to do pointless things that didn't need to be done or she could do herself. for example, I would clean the bathroom one day, and then the next day she would tell me its dirty so I need to clean it again. the list just goes on. at the beginning I used to get on and just do it out of politeness, I was after all living in her house, id been brought up to respect so I did. then as time went on, she got more and more annoying and I realised that there are 3 people in my marriage. she really gets me down sometimes; I know she doesn't trust me.

if something goes missing or is misplaced, its always me she comes asking first; this can be anything from money to the lid off a jar. I try my best to not let her get to me and I do have to let a lot of things slide, but there is only so much fake smiling and biting your tongue a person can do!!!

She really is a person that can try your patience. She barges into the bedroom without knocking and then when we do lock the door, she wants to know why its locked. I know her thinking is a bit slow but she does take the p***! At times I have got close to almost screaming at her, but I have to swallow it all in because I know that no amount of shouting would ever change anything. She still thinks we aren't moving; and reminds me daily about how useful her son(my husband) is and how she relies on him to do things. WOMAN YOU HAVE TWO SONS!!! And then saying who would do things if he wasn't here; and oh I wouldn't mind you getting a house if I had a husband.

Guilt trip and a half and then I start worrying about whether I will really be able to get out of here. ive given her the benefit of the doubt and let so much slide; but I cant live the rest of my life doing this!!!

I just feel like packing my bags and going.. but can I really walk out on my marriage? The husband that I love. I mean I am a person capable of compromise, but I cant live my life with my mil. I hate the idea of thinking that this is what the rest of my life is gonna be like!!! So dismal and miserable; I don't even feel calm in my own skin, I have to be a different person around her. you only live once and there is so much I want to do with my life! It cant just be limited to living with her!
c0nfuzed c0nfuzed
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

I am very sorry to read ur story. My mil didn't live with us but remotely broke up our 8 year marriage as I wasn't good enough for her son, interesting thing is she is a housewife, her husband has hated her for 30 years (admitted this to my parents) but didn't leave her as she couldn't support herself. So my Ex husband became her partner at least emotionally and I now understand that she was always jealous of me, within 1 year of marriage I had a miscarriage and she was happy about it, and after 8 years I had said to my husband come on enough on pursuing our careers, it's time....I kept on nagging, well in the month we were supposed to try for kids, he said he can't see a future with me and we should get a divorce and then he started lying about some money our parents had given us for the house as a loan, stating that that is his dowry and he should get to keep it....in the mean time his mother had already made arrangement to go to India and make him meet another girl who according to her was gonna give them 3 crores in dowry...( this is a uk Indian family!!!!>) oh and I forgot to add whilst I earn less than my husband ( not much less) I always had to do everything at home. I am far more educated than he is and my parents are both doctors....when I met him he lived in a horrid little room, when I ledge him we were in a 5 bed house and she said I am dragging him down?!

The only reason I am telling u is story is to be careful, aware in life, I have learnt the hard way that everybody has their motivations / agenda in life and I trusted my ex blindly....make a decision if ur goon stick with ur husband,never give ur mil the reason she may be looking for to drive a wedge between the two of u, kill her with sweetness instead....

In the process of this horrible experience I have met so many other people whose mil have done bad bad things....so unfortunately there r horrible people in this world.... U can be the nicest, kindest person,but u have taken her son .....just please please be careful.

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you.. These Mils don't seem to be able to let their sons go.. My mil accused me of kidnapping her son and we haven't even moved out yet. I don't trust my mil, I know she will always have the agenda of trying to keep her son with her. That's why I hate the 3 person marriage. She thinks she can kill me with her guilt trips, she's got another thing coming, she doesn't know how strong I am, and I will fight it til the end. She thinks she can walk all over me, she's got another thing coming.
What she does try to do is get me to side with her and then use it against me by trying to create friction between me and my husband. I used to think nothing of it and thought she was making a joke, now i've realised she is doing it to break me and my husband up.. when she's around i'll make it so she knows me and my husband are happy and nothing she does will split us up..!