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You try to lock it in a dark room and it slips through the keyhole.

You bury it in the backyard and it grows and bursts forth out of the earth like a weed.

You seal it in a vault and it melts through steel and iron, making it's way back to the surface. You can throw an old blanket over it or kick it under the couch when company is over, but it will always be there---resting at your feet, crawiling onto your lap, hanging from your lips, hoping that one day you'll finally open your heart and free it.

Until then it clings to you: raw, bleeding........ peeking out from the end of your sleeve, or in between the buttons of your shirt.


StarliteRose StarliteRose
26-30, F
13 Responses Nov 20, 2009

SR- I tried to edit that last post 3 times, but it won't do it!<br />
<br />
Anyway, I wanted to say that you have 90% of the battle won... Understanding and compassionate forgiveness is the hard part... Accept that pain encourages growth... BY LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE AND DEAL WITH IT....

It may be an insidious thing but I love the way you write about it.<br />
<br />
Perhaps 'I have a powerful painful past' :)<br />
<br />
Maybe "Give it a seat watching TV in the lounge room. Eventually it'll get bored and go away."

SR- The unfortunate part about opening up is that you need to in order to fully enjoy the highs in life as well. Walls block both the highs as well as the lows... Pain unfortunately is a necessary part of life...<br />
<br />
Here's a clip from a letter I wrote regarding walls and opening up... I hope it helps...<br />
<br />
You may have walls of protection, everybody needs them. But these walls need to be more like doorway curtains. They must have the ability to ebb and flow with the breeze of your spirituality and emotions. They can block the view when you don’t want to see something, but must always be fluttering in the breeze, for what the view on the other side of the curtain may be, will most certainly be different than what you pictured. The view may have changed completely into the view of the Grand Canyon that you so very desperately want to see, but won’t ever, because you are holding the curtains tight because you think you know what the view really is. <br />
<br />
why would you want to experience life in gray tones if you have the extraordinary ability to see every single nuance and color life has to offer? It’s like going to the Grand Canyon and looking out at this unbelievable beauty, but you have dark sunglasses on. You are missing out on the majestic beauty of the entire picture available for you to take in. the whole thing is right there in front of you and you’re missing it!

Bub sweetie, that was awesome on so many levels:<br />
<br />
1) You just quoted Kung Fu Panda<br />
2) It's an awesome quote<br />
3) It actually made me feel a little better<br />
<br />
...and the list goes on *squeezes*

Thank you so much Bubkiss sweetheart--you're words always warm me up *wraps arms around and holds tight*<br />
<br />
Thanks Sailor! I've accepted it and I even understand why and how the things that happened came to be. It's opening up that can be so hard. *big hugs* Thanks again!<br />
<br />
Hello Lou! Thank you for that! I wish it were that easy hon, but darn those blasted memories--what is a girl to do, eh? *winks*

Dang Lou.... Outta the blue you appear with that....<br />
<br />
When you coming to share that beer sailor???<br />
<br />
(SR - I like what Lou had to say if you didn't get me...)

It takes a lot of energy to hang on.. be it dear or not. Yet.. we forget what the past is and hang on as if it has great meaning.<br />
<br />
When you look at it for what it is.. the name you have given it says it all... it is the "past".. Never to return unless you hang on to it. Why would you hang on to something that causes pain unless pain is of value.. and what would that be...??? To many, pain is only familiar.. as familiar as a sunset or laughter. Is life so empty that only the familiar is held close...??<br />
<br />
What ever it be.. it is past.. to be recalled if it brings pleasure.. to not be done again if it is pain.<br />
<br />
Life... living is happening now... not then nor tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Seek not the moment past..<br />
for it is gone.<br />
Distant now as those to come.<br />
Let go of all<br />
that binds you.<br />
And remember..<br />
how it was to be the wind...<br />
<br />
(From... The Road to Pichilinque<br />
by Lou Cruz)

SR - Sorry again for your pain... you don't deserve that... As discussed here... I don't think "acceptance" is quite the right word... I think "understanding why" might be a better beginning towards peace with your past...<br />
<br />
Read my stories on compassionate forgiveness again sweets.... and get ready for the ... <br />

Thanks Pumpkin sugar! I'm so glad you liked it. *squeezes*

Thanks Reece!! *hugs* :)

Very true and well put. Thanks Lucifer sweetie *hugs*

Wow "Legs", that is beautiful. Lucifer is right though (as usual, damn he is good)

We can all try to run from our past; say it doesn't exist, that's not us, never happened. But the inevitable fact is that until we face it and come to terms and acceptance of it, it will always torment us, in the shadows. At night, like bad nightmares that give us no reprieve from the world.