She Needed Help

Every time she got mad she would say the worst things, call me the filthiest names. She mad me so mad once I grabbed her by the neck with one hand. I was shocked at my reaction. I looked into her eyes........ I could see that it wasn't her. It wasn't Lori. She couldn't help it. She didn't know what she was saying. Yet she knew exactly how to get to me. I quickly let go and burst out crying. Saying over and over how sorry I was for doing that..
She quickly went right back to calling me every name in the book. Very personal put downs.  I had enough, I can't take it, it hurts too much.
She is bipolar. Everyone, all advice I get is that it can never work. But I love her more than life.   I have been looking for this all my life. I don't understand why I love her so much.........But I do. And when I finally find true love what is it..? It's sick. That is my luck that is my life.
That early Friday morning on July 8 as I drove her to the airport she clutched my right arm and looked at me and said.." I just want to crawl inside of you right now" She was scared. She was going home.    As i drove away i felt as if I had just left my baby girl all alone.  I did.
I sobbed for two weeks. I miss her terribly. What is wrong with me?