I Am Quite Broken...

started off well, strong, smart, & ahead of the class in every respect. then when i turned 30 things just started 2 fall apart. i have been a rn, bsn x13 yrs & also have a b.a. in gerontology (the elderly).  appaently @ 30 the symptoms of my 2 terminal illnesses began 2 surface--but my docs & me didnt know it. i hav been mis-dx 4 the past 5yrz. now, on the 'eve' of my 35th b-day (aug 19th) the docs say i may not live to see it & become 35. my husband wants me 2 have the surgery 2 remove my adrenal glands with thier tumors...the pheochromocytomas...then rec' treatment 4 the lupus. i would rather just have a massive heart attack or stoke & die quickly than go thru mj surgery to then die a slow painful death fully mentally aware butnot able to do anything since lupus is an auto-immune wasting disease like mulyiple sclerosis. my husband & older brother want me declared incompatant so they can admit me & send me 2 the o.r. im sorry 4 the self-pitty-party.would luv 2 hear feedback....kris

1 of my favorite pix my dad took in georgia--i call it still waters

krismondryRN krismondryRN
31-35, F
6 Responses Jul 30, 2010

like the others say...keep fighting! look in your life what is important to you, what means so much to you, what makes you feel whole inside, there is something there, find it, bring it to the surface, let it give the strength to fight to keep enjoying, let it be your guide to fight for your life and beat the odds. they are giving you the easy way out, do not take it, do not give up that way...fight for your life any way you can, follow what your instincts and strength tells you, not what someone else dictates to you, it is your life, your choice not theirs. fight for what truly lies within you, and do not let anyone take it away or cloud it.

Thats my best friend giggles i am talking about.My friend had her tumors removeed from her adrenal glands last year and now back to work.I wish mine was tumors that can be removed rather take steriod all my live.Hang on dear friend.The battle is won because you believe.I believe i will be well.HUGS Unshakable.

I've been living with lupus since 1981 and I've lived a full and meaningful life... please don't think that you will just waste away and die a horrible death. Blessings of love and light to you and rethink the surgery... I can't stand seeing anyone give up. Every life is precious. ((hugs)) Giggles

You gotta keep fighting! This is your path and you have to see what God wants you to learn from it. BE STRONG! <br />
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My GF has lupus AND rheumatoid arthritis and she refuses to let it take over her. She's had to drag herself to the emergency room so many times that she's gotten used to it. <br />
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Much love and luck.

Dont give up...there is still hope...i made this video a while ago, i hope it encourages you and helps you...<br />
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You sound like you've already given up. Bullshit on that approach! Get the surgery and keep fighting. You may find that living isn't all that bad after all.