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Two Years Later

My fiancee and I broke up two years ago on valentines day. We truly started our relationship six years before on the same holiday. I was okay... for two years. We remained friends, i would have been a fool to not maintain a friendship with someone that carried that much intimate knowledge of me. There were attempts, by both of us, to start new relationships. They didn't work. I knew... absolutely knew that I was merely holding off my pain.
I have never felt the urge to treat a woman like **** because of my own emotional pain. And now, after two years of suppressing this agony, it is coming loose. She told me today in that beautiful sunny and upbeat way of hers that she has a boyfriend and that he is everything she has been looking for. He treats her right, he treasures her, just like I did... but differently, the way I couldn't. I am happy for her. I truly am... but at the same time... I am human, possessed of hypocrisy that hates her for the happiness she now has and I feel like I will never experience again. As long as we were both alone, I could stumble through, pretend I didn't feel.
The walls are crashing down now and I can't control it. It hurts so much. I am so alone and I just want it to stop.
alexanderveligor alexanderveligor 31-35 Jul 3, 2011

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