I Do Too

We have been married almost 18 years. I had him move out last week. This is the 4th or 5th time dealing with his addicition to pot. I am not so sure I want to go through it again. Silly me, I knew when we first dated he liked to smoke pot. Naive me to try and trust him when I suspected and he said I had nothing to worry about. Yes people who know him think I am a "*****" as one they don't know why I kick him out due to his job or they think pot smoking isn't all that bad. I have been to Al-Anon. I read tons of new age literature about how we numb out our feelings with our addictions whether they are to drugs, alcohol, sex or food. Part of me thinks maybe my life would have been really different had I had the courage to leave after 5 years. Part of me knows that I maybe continuing to learn this lesson as I obviously haven't yet. All I can say is listen to your heart and remember to love yourself first. I wish you well in deciding what works best for you.
martiz martiz
1 Response Dec 9, 2010

I just came across your story, thank you for writing it. I know it's been a long time, but I'm curious to know what's happened in your situation, if you want to share. I did leave. I realized we were completely codependent, I made myself very sick worrying about him, our issues, our marriage, what the future would be like... when finally I had an awakening. It hit me like a truck: "I don't have to take this, I don't have to deal with this anymore." As soon as I realized that taking care of myself was the answer to the pain I was in, there was no looking back. The hard part was hurting him, I still struggle to forgive myself for that, but I'm much, much better. I'm with someone who is healthy and encourages me to be so too. I am so grateful for making a huge life change, as hard as it was. Thank you for your words.