My Daughter Hates Me

she won't speak to me. she actually said, she plans to ignore me. its such a long story. she lives in my house in ca, I am in WA, rent free for 6 months, she won't even look for a job. she has 3 kids, we get her ultilite bills, her dad pays her car and insurance. yet I am the mean one now. to make matters worse, now she has my granddaughters not speaking to me also. it is hurting me badly. we told her she was going to have to move this spring, maybe that is why she is mad?

bridgett49 bridgett49
51-55, F
21 Responses Dec 21, 2009

wow. Seriously, i feel you but seems youre acting a bit childish yourself. Thats why two families cant live in the same household once the child is grown..its time to boot em out

Well me and my daughter and grandsons went to my grandson's ba<x>seball game and after the game we went to GameStop in Denim Springs well my grandson needed to exchange a video well he had had it a month so there was going to be a 4 dollar credit well my daughter did not have the money so she asked me for it I said no because I do not have a job and that was all I had so my daughter said sorry kids maybe next time she then told me outside of GameStop in front of her kids she was done with me she was not going to help me any more and I could not go any where with them she made me sit in the back seat on the way home she broke my heart! Well she did not talk to me and would not let me interact with my grandsons until she had to go to work on Thursday night well she was only being nice to me because she needed me.I have bought groceries for the kids and put gas in her car and on June 2cnd I gave my grandson Braedon some birthday money all that I had and told her that well she began to talk to me again but when Braxton had his first game she did not allow me to go it broke my heart any way I was talking to my daughter on Thursday asking her when Braedon's tournament was she said on Saturday I asked if I could come she said no so she broke my heart again so I left and went to eat and went to a friend's and did not come back until 5 minutes till 10pm so I got the kids in bed and later went to bed I did not come home before she went to work because she broke my heart my dad was home so he watched them until I got home.Well a miracle happened on Thursday I came home from being at my friend's house and she had bought food and milk for me I was very happy but once again she is only nice to me when she wants something the reason I could not go to my grandson's tournament is because my dad had men coming to work on his shower and he was not going to be here so it worked out for the best.In the past couple of monthes my daughter brought me to eat and to play pool and paid for my medicine when I was sick and paid my way in when we went out which was nice but she still hates me she says she loves me but she does not act that way I am used to going to the ba<x>seball games that was me being part of my grandson's life but she has taken that away from me.I found out on Friday my car needed to go through a drive cycle to get inspected it has to be driven 1 hour so it will pass inspection I asked her nicely on Friday could she please drive my car to the tournament she said I feel safer in my car and I just filled it up so no I am sorry I am taking my car I got upset and went and took the Lap top which is mine away from my grandson and he came in my room and said me me why did you take it away from me I said because your mom is being mean to me well don't take it out on me I did not say any thing he left my room and slammed the door.

Oh I feel your pain! Why is it the ones that love them the most and have always been there for them are the enemy? I will never understand it!

How true those words of yours are!

She is a spoilt freaking brat. Kick her *** out and tell her You ain't talking to her!!!! When you are too good to a child it makes them mean as hell. Let her make her own way, for her sake and yours

love her with detachment. Go to an alanon meeting. I go and they help. It teaches us how to get rid of all our defects and live a spiritual life. You are not to blame for her drinking or anything else. She has a problem and does not want to face it. She loves you but does not know how to love herself yet.Alanon will help and God will help.

Love her from a far,she'll get over it. It's a form of control,when people want from others they use silents and anger to get what they want. trust me your her mother and she will need you before you need her.let her continue the way she is going and pray for her, trust me she will have to come another way.

I'm sorry to hear about this all too common but sad situation.<br />
I have two kids 25 and 24 years old. My oldest daughter, treats me like garbage, and i'm only good enough when something bad or upsetting is happening too her. She's now a drinker, drinking i'm told nearly everyday OR when she can, she blacks out because she's so DRUNK. <br />
My daughter NOW blames me for her drinking. Her father died n 2002. I understand each of us grieves differently and on our own terms but, she's supposidly mourning the loss of a father that is gone, but she treats the one who is alive, the one who held her when she was sick or made sure she had the clothes she wanted for school, have had her put in the youth home various times being told by each doctor who seen her her issues were some post grieving (her father was ill but had not passed ) but basically her problem is, she's spoiled rotten and is pulling guilt tactics and is fighting you (me) for "control". That is still what she does, she thinks her way is best way, and drinking is ok. Put the kids too bed, ( i admit she's care wise a good mother) and then she starts drinking and gets so drunk she's obnoxious, and acts a fool. She told me i didnt care for my children, how does drinking till we're drunk, and then drinking and driving too a store where she could of hurt herself or someone else, and is so drunk some neighbors see her and come back too me saying they wanted too take her keys and/or call the police because she was that drunk. Now my daughter has a boyfriend, and why didnt he drive and get it? He does things we see but my daughter fails too see and other's whom are her friends and mine say Kristine is headed for a big fall. If she were too get caughter drinking and driving and lets pray she doesnt hurt herself or anyone else, she loses her license, she gets her car impounded, she goes to jail, she loses her job, she loses her home, and all the fines that will come just because when drinking some demand the keys and want their cloths off.<br />
Speaking of which this so called good boyfriend of hers, has tape recorded her running naked outside with her clothes off in the middle of the night drunk yelling nasty things. Prior too my daughter this bonified idiot had a young woman he used and she worked eight years while he sat home on his butt. He too had a son, he never even attempted to see, and wrote him off so another man could raise him and he wouldnt risk jail for being a dead beat dad so he gives up his OWN child because of money because he wont work for anything under 20 bucks an hour is exactly what he states. So again here i see my daughter who is the one worken all the hours herself, cleaning the house, caring for the kids and all HE does is sit with his hands down his pants playing w/himself {excuse the exactness but i want you too see/feel the perdicament).<br />
This idiot has called me filthy, untrue names, and my daughter doesnt defend me, she allows it, and while i miss my daughter, and my grandsons more than ever, she uses them against me as defense weapons to gain what she's underlying going after. I"m tired and hurt with it all. <br />
My daughter has the capability too say NO, she does it too his mother who she cant stand, and her bonified boyfriend like's and promotes Kaos with me and my daughter. I know how too ignore him but my daughter choose too keep letting this go. <br />
That sorta be like one of you stating something while it might have some truth too it, there are ways too make a good point w/o being vulgar and disrespectful.<br />
My daughter uses her drinking that she started a few years ago, on me. She blames her mistakes in life on me, she blames me and doesnt allow my own grandkis here because i have hep c. Lets mention my children grew up in a co-infected home and neither them or I came out sick. There are simple protection measures too follow and thats it. <br />
I want too be loved and accepted for who i am, not what someone wants me too be because as i see it, " Those that matter -dont mind, Those that mind- don't matter!" <br />
My daughter is 25 now, will she ever stop blaming me because she drinks, because she's bit off more than she can chew which hurts me for her, <br />
I've been in my husbands family since 1982, and in 2002 this can too a erupt stop not by my call but by the un-returned phone calls, no invitations too any events, gossip, lies, and last but not least, i hate the word, but i feel, inside, some of them are very jealous. why be that way? i dont want that for you, the neighbor or anyone, your suppose too be happy for someone, not jealous or say something negative about something someone has purchased. <br />
One would think my daughter only being 25 and this guy into his early/middle thirties would by now of grown up and started contributing and helping her. But instead he hussles a family member from there pain pills and sells it, drinks and plays world of war craft all day while keeping his hands down his pants so he can do gross things, that would make any of you feel sick. <br />
I love my kids, i raised them differently than THIS, i love THEM unconditionally, and my son while we've had our ups and downs he sticks by me and does TRY. Trying matters, and weather or not my son likes things i say or do, he's always a son, and TRIES. <br />
I have a some serious health matters, one which includes doctor's worries that i could die from it, is it wrong that i not want my daughter around considering she colaborates with the enemy and the intentions of her is too perhaps only see me too ease her guilty pangs, if she has ANY left, that she never tried and helped me when i've always tried my best too help and protect her?<br />
I am NOT doing a tic or tac here, all i'm saying is, isnt it time she grew up?<br />
Doctors say she's spoiled, and is using me too back down so she can get her own way, temper tamptrums are mearly ways too scare you into getting their own way<br />
and lastly, as much as it hurts too type this i know the statement is truthfullness too it.<br />
People who care, care and love unconditionally and without underlying motive.<br />
In closure too this, i live less than fifteen minutes away. I moved here at my daughters request, and i thought this would help our relationship, but all it did was make me realize the doctors were right about her being spoiled, and the shrink was right when he said she needs to grow up and realize her family is forever, boyfriends and friends are temporary. <br />
Several young kids my kids ages who have always known our family keep telling me not too get down on what happened whenmy husband died, because if anything, my daughter should of told those knocking me, too leave me alone, and if they have anything to say they should say it directly too me, but she doesnt, this makes me feel she WANTS this too keep up as it is.<br />
She's been 3 times in a mental ward because i wouldnt let the youth home take her WITHOUT FIRST seeing if she had any kind of mental problems. NO! After a few times in the youth home and her still kicking everyone too the curb when she gets a boyfriend, and being violent and lying and minipulating, I was then told she tried throwing chair through shatter proof windows, and all she cared about at that time was getting out too see another new boyfriend,. Do they ever grow up and have respect OR do i do what i would think every mother avoids, making her not allowed here or too talk too him without telling they think they need now. <br />
I heard there's such a thing as "grandparents rights" and if i read it and it pans out, and she refuses too see me, thats her choice, but alerting them in regards too this is something i will not give a second thought too doing. My parents lived far from everyone and once in awhile, primarily my mother and step father would pressure us girls into who we wanted too live with, he was doing so because i was oldest and IF i said i wanted to live w/my father OH LORDY THIS made for a long arguement and too follow, being thrown out of the house, again. <br />
My daughter now states for various reasons not presented in this post are also some reasons she doesnt want me ever in her life again, and when i devulg them too you, i'm almost sure many of you are going too say wordsl ike, "selfish, immature, alcolholic, etc.<br />
Any response be much appreciated. thank you again.<br />
MT<br />
Missing teenie

My heart goes out to you. I have a problem daughter too. Reading through all your heartaches, I thought of what I could say to you. The truth is...I don't know!!!! I truly don't know! It is certainly not the way we raised our babies, we didn't live the life they living what the heck then?! It's a mystery...! Let me know when you find an answer my friend...I'd love to know too.

A family is such a complex is easy for all sorts of negative patterns to develope over time. I think we just have to concentrate on what nurtures the love. I had a lot of issues with my own mother..and caring for her often seemed like a thankless responsibility. She died on December 1st.. a few days before died, in one of her rare lucid moments.. she said to me.. "We love each other.. but we love each other too late" On her death bed she realized that we had wasted the potential of being a strong loving family.. we had wasted it because of egos and fear and blame and guilt. I felt her over whelming sadness. I don't want to wait until I am on my death bed to realize that love is the only thing that matters<br />
Your daughter loves you.. never doubt it.. underneath all the other stuff.. it is shining like the light of God.. No matter what she says or does.. focus on that light.. it will guide you.

I know it hurts so much to be ignored and treated badly by the very children you love more than anything. I think it is true that there are "bad people" who put barriers between us and our children. I can see that with my daughter. For years we spent hours and hours talking about everything, and even though she is handicapped, she seemed to be merciful and kind - always caring and considerate. Now that there is a new boyfriend in her life, she is rude and inconsiderate towards me and my husband - but especially toward me. I am afraid for her, but can't reason with her. Then there is my son and daughter-in-law who only call on us when they want something. It hurts when they ignore our birthdays, mother's day, father's day, you name it. They lived with us for 9 months after my son got out of the Army. That was a huge mistake. They got to where they would not clean up after themselves at all. Their 3-year-old was more responsible than they were. My husband & I finally told them that they had to move out, and set a date for them to be out. It was difficult, but now I think it was the best thing we could have done. It's taken three years, but at least they speak to us now. Even though our relationship isn't what I wish it were, it is better than it was three years ago. I think my son's biggest issue is that he wants to prove that he can take care of himself and his family on his own. When we try to rescue them in any way, it seems to drive my son further away from us emotionally.

my daughter still thinks I am trying to controll her life, but I only want what is best for her. she uses the kids to controll and hurt me. latest update: I bought my granddaughter a birthday present and she won't let her have it. the reason, because I didn't send my grandson a present, I was sick and angry at the time. but it is not the little girls fault and the boy don't know the difference. its the MOM who is just lashing out at me again for any little thing all the time.

and a being a bit childish. YOU are the MOM and GRAMMA! No wonder she acts as she does when you show this kind of example. I know it hurts to be treated bad. i get that from my kids too, belittling me and im always been the preppy sweet sunshiny of the family but being brainwashed can do weird things to a kid. Thats no excuse for her now as an adult and its SURE no excuse for you as her Mother.... Im sorry but it had to be said

I'm sorry. I'm a little bitter, and I know it shows through. If you are looking for advice, I suggest you somehow take control of your sadly and anachronistically immature daughter's life, find her a job with a temp agency or something, make her work while living with you, or failing that, just give up. Very few people will agree that something needs to be done. According to society, your daughter should be free to mess up not only her life, but the lives of your three grandchildren. Don't you understand?<br />
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Mothers come home these days and cry on their daughters' shoulders, and their daughters tell them about the two different men they slept with the night before who they met at a bar. And maybe one of them will be "the one". Who knows? They don't really believe "in all that". But maybe it could happen. <br />
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Sadly, it won't ever happen if it can only happen when two people selfishly desire it. This just isn't human nature. Love requires compromise. But it's worth it. <br />
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It took until the 1970's, really, for biologists to figure out why animals act so selfishly, since group selectionism just sounds so appealing... for some reason. And ever since then, it has been "you and me, baby, we ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel".

I'm sorry. It sounds like your daughter just trusted bad men. It's easy to find them in this society, just like it is easy to find drugs. You may think that you raised your daughter to be smarter than that, but the entire time you were telling her what's right, everyone else, even adults, was telling her that parents are judgemental and only want to control you. Go out and see for yourself what it is that they are trying so soo hard to keep you away from... Everyone needs to make their own mistakes anyway... It's your life.<br />
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Moral corruption is so tempting because it is so "understanding". Bad men understand why rape feels good and why from your perspective it isn't wrong. They understand why monogamy is boring and why people deserve to be able to make their own decisions in life. And they understand why leaving a woman to raise children on her own is ok because, while it may be hard, life is hard. And things just happen, after all. Yes, they understand a lot.<br />
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She won't talk to you now because society has put a barrier between her and you. The entire time she was in school OR away from you and listening to The Bad People (I'll stop calling them liberals.), the people she was interacting with helped to build this barrier against family and morality. She thinks that you are just controlling dinosaurs and that the slutty woman she sees on TV can help her more than you. And no one will agree with you that you deserve to be able to help her. Just like once she had ALREADY made the mistake of unprotected sex, she had the right to kill the baby. Teaching abstinence doesn't work, anyway. Right?

still, even if I made a thousand mistakes, back then or now, why won't she talk to me now? I've done nothing but help her all along the way.

no I didn't, I raised her in the church, I taught her right from wrong and she chose to do the wrong thing. now she would say that the first child saved her life. for that child, she got off drugs, went back to school and flew right, she went to work and went straight. but then we let her move into our house and she stopped working and never went back to work in the new county. she says its to hard to find a job the hours the kids are in school. I did raise my kids the best I knew how. their damn fathers ran off. history is repeating itself here maybe.

It's not your fault. You trusted society by putting her in public school, by letting her watch movies that she was not old enough to understand that condoned ideas like sexual promiscuity and materialism, and by allowing her to visit websites like this one (or maybe even ***********). Society, of course, taught her that there's no such thing as right and wrong instead of building a strong moral character. That's what liberals do.

she has no husband. her two daughters father is in prison. the boys fathers sees him every other weekend. she is in CA, I am in WA. she is not married to either man.

Well if their daughter cannot fend for herself then she needs to live nearer to her support system. And, yes, I was being facecious with the husband comment. Obviously, liberals have been doing a good job of destroying America by promoting promiscuity.

One of the many reasons i had a vasectomy at age 30 before ever getting a girl pregnant. Only when you stop giving people money (i.e. stop paying things for them) will anyone have a chance in life. How are the people doing you give money to? I used to give the neighborhood homeless guy money now and again, and he never did too well. In fact, i never knew anyone that got handouts or a free ride to ever do anything valuable for themselves, until they stopped getting a handout. It's part of human nature i guess. Cats are less likely to hunt mice if they have a dumpster to eat out of.

OMG this makes me very sad.<br />
you're an awesome mom, I'm sorry can't say the same about your daughter.<br />
not only is she hurting you, but also your granddaughters.<br />
You've been too giving but now it's time to pull the reigns back and show her that she can't take advantage of you by giving you a silent treatment and using her daughters against you.. that is just wrong.<br />
By making her leave you are teaching her a valuable lesson and she will talk to you.. as wrong as it sounds but once she's on her own like a real grown-up she will require your help in the real world, and viola! communication lines will open up like magic.<br />
best wishes

Wow, she sounds like she's on a pointy mountaintop. Hopefully that doesn't come down with a big crash. 3 granddaughters? <br />
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Good. Her husband can take care of her. Your job is finished.

She is so lucky, i wish i had parents that did all that for me, i dont even have parents.