I Have Lost Everything, As I Secured My Psycho Exhusband Into Financial Heaven.

I have read some of the stories in here and find that some of them are similar to mine, as far as abuse. I will first say that I truly am a jerk magnet. I think there is a sign on my forehead that says "ubuse me".
I was married at 16 to a man who was in the military, a few years older than me. He showed signs of a mean spirit, but I really thought "I could change him" to be a good person. I'm sure that sounds familiar. However, to make a long story short, he became very violent when I went to live with him on the military base; Away from family and wasn't't allowed to have too many friends unless he approved. We had two beautiful sons, but throughout both pregnancies his violence more than escalated. I was in constant battle to save the lives of my sons as well as my own. He would kick or hit me in the stomach to cause me to miscarry the baby, knock me down, rape me with extreme force, as I buried my head in a pillow so no one could hear me scream. He would have killed me and I knew it. I tried to get neighbors to hide me and my sons, but no one would help. Throughout that marriage of 5 1/2 years, I was hospitalized several times; Once I had to have surgery three times in five weeks because every time I went home, he beat me again and I hemorrhaged more and more. While pregnant with my second son, ( I was on the pill and didn't expect to get pregnant) he took a handgun, put one bullet in it, held it to my stomach, pulled the trigger, then would laugh as I stood there in shock, frozen! He repeated it, until I screamed so loud the neighbors came running, and he ran off for the evening. To this day I know it was only God who saved our lives.

  One night he invited some friends over from the base. They were just playing cards, when all of a sudden, he grabbed me, threw me to the floor ripping my clothes off attempting to rape me in their presence. I clawed him to get away, and was successful. I paid for it when they all left. Another time, my baby needed formula. It was pouring the rain down, and he refused to go to the store. I didn't drive at that time but told him I was going to drive to the store if he didn't go. He said I had better not. I didn't have a choice, my baby had to have his food. As I tried to get out the door, he grabbed my tiny baby and said he would lay him out in the rain on the steps if I dare to leave. I got my baby from him, and just made a mixture of canned milk for my baby.

When I got home and tried to get out, he kidnapped my oldest baby. I went frantic, had a family member drop me off where they were and then call the police. As I stood there in the alley yelling for my baby, he ran out with his brother in law and they both beat me to a pulp. I weighed about 98lbs and he was 6'2" approximately 170lbs., and the other guy was close in size. It was so horrible. I had always lied for him at hospitals, but this time I told the truth and he did go to jail. But got right out next day. His daddy put his house up for bail, and thats was about it. The court just put him under and injunction. I guess I was suppose to protect myself with a piece of paper. Dear God I am thankful me and my sons are alive.

I finally got out. I went to college, and was followed and tormented for years by this man. He was relentless. I am leaving a lot out, because he is not the only psycho I married, and the next one took everything from me.

After I graduated, I met a man that my sons loved so much they would ask him if he could come out and play, it was precious. They knew him before I did.
We dated for a year and then he wanted to get married. I was very reluctant to marry again but eventually I caved in one night when he said "I don't know who I love the most, you or your boys, but I want you to be my wife forever". After a little longer I did agree that we were meant for each other and I loved the way he was so good to my sons especially after my first husband.

He was the love of my life. He wanted us to move to his home town in another state to get far away from the first psycho. I agreed. He was so protective of us it touched my heart. We moved, and were so happy. After a few years we decided to have a child of our own. I got pregnant for my third son. I was never so happy. We were coaches for the older boys in T-Ball, and did so much together.

I got my ex to agree to sign adoption papers after a battle, so my second husband adopted my sons. We let them change their own names. My oldest wanted the same name as his daddy.
I had problems with my pregnancy and had to be in bed for a while. So I wasn't able to work. Things were tight and we decided to move back to my hometown.

About two years after our son was born, my adopted 12 year old sister said my hubby molested her. Well, I wasn't going to believe that. I have always had a close relationship with my mother, but that put a wedge between us. I refused to believe it and my mother did believe it. Although my sister wouldn't talk to anyone about how, where, when, or any details. I just made up my mind she was lieing, and that settled it for me. I thought.

He started telling lies on the older boys and they would get so upset and I tried to make them talk to him respectfully about it, but they were teens at that time, and they just didn't understand why dad was acting like that. He had been a good dad.

The older boys grew up with much resentment towards their dad. The oldest one went to college, then joined the Army. My middle son went into rebellion and ran away a lot. Eventually, he married and did very well. My oldest son was sent to Iraq, and I was devastated. My husband made fun of me for crying and became very cruel.

My youngest was about 9 at that time. He and I would pray for his brother and we clung to each other. His dad was not there for us. My oldest was not married, but his soon to be wife had our first grandchild. A precious little girl. We held her and felt as if we were holding her daddy. She has been a real blessing. My oldest son came home to us safely from Iraq, but not to such a good family environment with his dad.

Things kept getting worse. My husband blamed it on Vietnam. I started a very long battle for him through the Veterans Administration to get him help, and apply for disability for PTSD that he claimed he was suffering from.

He decided he wanted to become an over the road trucker during this time. I didn't hold him back, but did try to go on the road with him every other time to be there for him. He started calling me to cuss me out, tell me to find someone else and to drop the VA claims. I stayed with my attempts to get him help.

Soon our youngest son was graduated and working, but still at home. He too was upset that his dad lied on him. It made my head spin. I didn't understand any of it. So I just blamed it on PTSD and stood by my man.

My youngest saw where his dad was involved in private accounts on the internet. He made me aware of it. I kept an eye on it. But nothing seemed to be going on. He was not aware that I knew of the accounts and had access to them. However, one night it all broke loose. He had letters from women he was with on the road. The first letter I found he referred to me as his "soon to be ex". I went into shock when I read that letter to and from her. He had treated me so good during the time he was with the other women...I fell in love with him all over again in spite of thr bad behavior through the years. I did not want another divorce, I wanted a future with my husband, but it was all shattering.

My compassion always gets me into trouble, and I continued his battle with the VA no matter what he did. Our youngest son made a choice to go to Australia for eight months. While he was gone, my husband turned extremely violent, kicking me, throwing me across the room, stomping on me, and the then one morning after all those years, he raped me and hurt me til I cried for three weeks. I know the moment I lost all feeling for him. I knew it was totally over no matter PTSD or not. But I had already done all that could be done. He was cussing me and telling me he didn't love me and to get out.

Our son came back from Australia and was working, therefore did not want to move out of our rented house that we were to buy.

I left for a month to get my head together and stayed at my oldest sons. I never shed one tear for that man, so I knew I had to find a way to move out. I had no job, because he claimed "unemployability" through the VA, and if I obtained a job they would stop the claim. I don't know why I let that matter, perhaps because I had fought so many years to get him a claim.

I finally left the home. Started the divorce. It was over in no time. Wouldn't you know it, the VA settlement that I had fought for came through and he got a $24,000.00 settlement. I did have it in the court that I got half of it at that time. He did give it to me.

Due to the settlement that was suppose to be our future, tax free income for the rest of our lives with full medical care, he was able to travel and have all the women he wanted. He married and divorced again, about a 2 year marriage. Now he is married again, bought a new home in FL., a new car, received 100% SSDisablity tax free, goes to school while the VA pays. And a new wife that has all the medical care and her own personal allotment from the VA, that was all suppose to be mine.

My situation however is the pits. I lost my apartment. Cannot find a job, had to have my son store my furniture at his home in another state going on three years now. Have no health care. Have extreme negative credit because he did not pay the marital debts the court ordered. My mother  became very ill and cannot drive nor do the things she use to do. So I do what she needs, and am the only one to get her where she needs to go. Lots of doctors and tests they choose to run. I also now take care of all my blind Uncle's bills and financial things because my mom can't do it anymore.

Sorry if this sounds confusing, I get upset just writing it. But, no home, furniture, no place to put my family pictures, no place for my  grandchildren to visit for the night, no income, no health care and definitely no self esteem. I feel totally lost.

I appealed to the VA about my situation, but they only care about the veterans, and I have been turned down three times now. Even if a woman, as myself who was appointed as his caregiver by the VA doctors, and married 26 years, seeks part of the veterans pension, they discard you as dirt.
If anyone knows anyone who actually won this type of thing as an ex wife with the VA I would so much appreciate any help. But to be honest, any advice that could turn my life around for the better would be greatly appreciated. I have lost so much hope I need to find it somehow.

Thank you so much,
hopeforhope

 

hopeforhope hopeforhope
51-55
9 Responses Jul 22, 2010

I feel for you. You must be a very strong woman! Good luck in life! I hope things get better for you:)

My heart goes out to you....I do not know how you have made it through all of that pain and torture. You are a very stong person and if you got through all of that, you can get through anything. The love of your boys will keep you strong. I pray for financial blessings for you and I know God has a plan to get your life back on track.

my god your story is heartbreaking has your life improved any?

my god your story is heartbreaking has your life improved any?

You will, in time..focus first on what you want to see happen in your future, then own that right. Work toward it no matter how hard it takes and then you will one day have your dream come true. Let go of the past and people you can't change. For everyday is a new one.

You will, in time..focus first on what you want to see happen in your future, then own that right. Work toward it no matter how hard it takes and then you will one day have your dream come true. Let go of the past and people you can't change. For everyday is a new one.

Thank you dreamsalive. I guess I am just at a crossroads mingled with brick walls blocking each direction I attempt to move towards. I truly appreciate your encouraging words. I need to find that glimmer of hope out there that feels happy and hopeful. Bless You

Wow...what a long road you have endured! I have had my fair share of sufferings in this life, thats for sure. Had and still go through so much. Sometimes I found in life when you can't rely on anything there is something we always can..thats time. because every time the clock ticks something changes. Try to believe time is on your side. Plan for your future and a place one day of your own so your children can visit you, and you can be the mother and grandmother you've always wanted to be. set you goals high even when times are low. And love..always love..thats the key to your light one day. Everything can still change for you, but you have to make it happen. Step by step.

Wow...what a long road you have endured! I have had my fair share of sufferings in this life, thats for sure. Had and still go through so much. Sometimes I found in life when you can't rely on anything there is something we always can..thats time. because every time the clock ticks something changes. Try to believe time is on your side. Plan for your future and a place one day of your own so your children can visit you, and you can be the mother and grandmother you've always wanted to be. set you goals high even when times are low. And love..always love..thats the key to your light one day. Everything can still change for you, but you have to make it happen. Step by step.