A Naive Question For Lesbians

First of all for anyone who takes the time to answer my VERY naive question THANK YOU. Usually instead of asking other people to educate me, i try to do so on my own, but i can't really find the answer to this somewhat intrusive and probably very naive question. So please forgive my ignorance.

As a heterosexual women, when much younger (yikes i am 45 now) i remember sitting around with girlfriends talking about sex, and of course as we grew older we all had fascinating conversations when one of us lost our virginity. OK, get ready for the NAIVE question. In our young heterosexual minds, most of us equated the loss of virginity with penile penetration, despite the fact that we were all aware of numerous other sexual activities we enjoyed, but none of them in our *limited mine and experience* meant that you had ultimately lost your virginity.

So here is my very naive question. If you never doubted your sexuality ( and I believe it is something that we are BORN with, not a choice ) and you never experimented with men, than how does the Lesbian Community define the loss of virginity?

OK, I know that probably sounds like an incredibly ignorant question, but darn I'm curious.

As a young woman in our *virginity sex based* conversations, we never once thought of oral sex, or mutual ************ or MANY variations of the theme equating to the loss of our virginity. We felt that we lost our virginity as i bluntly stated as penile penetration. OK i will stop blabbing which continues to show my obvious ignorance.

If you take the time to answer, thanks in advance.

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
5 Responses May 24, 2007

As a lesbian as well, I would echo the above statements the ladies shared. Once you have sex with a woman, however you define that activity, you have lost your "virginity."

The concept of virginity is not a medical one, it is a social one. Virginity isn't actually "real" so to speak, it is just a theory put into place by a patriarchal society to limit, control, and assert power over women. If virginity were to be defined by the loss of the actual hymen, then the majority of women would have lost their virginity to jumping in a pool, riding a bike, or riding a horse, things like that. If it is only defined by "a penis going into a vagina," then it is just an arbitrary, yet popular, notion. But there isn't "science" to it.

I am really interested in this question. I appreciate your opinion as a straight person being so open-minded. I do feel that losing ones virginity is a highly emotional process and is viewed as giving one's self to another person. As a lesbian there isn't any one way to lose your virginity, it is giving yourself sexually to your partner whether it be penetration or oral sex. I hope this answers your question!

swagonwheels i understand what you are saying, and the reason i asked the question is because what i assume to be the loss of virginity is based on being heterosexual. Loss of virginity is also an emotional issue, i'm not sure, which is why i asked, if lesbians would think that they are virgins based on the heterosexual definition. i don't know, but i believe the loss of one's virginity is a combination of biology and emotions. I might be wrong but i doubt lesbians would consider themselves *sexual virgins* and your comment makes me think, like me that you are heterosexual, if i am wrong, i apologize.

ya know - I'm really interested in this answer too. I guess I never thought about it but I think it's a great question. So if this shows my ignorance - then so be it. How about it ladies - give us an answer???