What Should I Do

I met this guy when I was following up on an application, It's really hard for me to tell this story. I only got the job because he asked the manager to hire me. He told one of the managers that he was going to be with me. A few weeks after working there we started to spend time together. Not after too long did he tell me he loved me. I didn't say it back right away and this hurt his feelings. But when I did say it back I meant it more. During the first few months we were together he still had female friends that he flirted with. I guess I am mistaken I love you for I am taking this relationship 100% seriously. I caught him in the act of flirting by figuring out his password and going through his phone. After that we almost broke up but he decided we should stay together, but I had to trust him and give him his space, not expect him home all the time. So I was able to do this for a little while but after what I saw in his phone before it was hard to get the picture out my mind. So I started talking to my ex to make him jealous. It worked. I had decided to go to the army. We argued here and there but when he found out I was really going we had the most loving last two weeks home of my life. I left for the army he cried at the airport I didn't want to look back because I wanted to stay strong. I didn't even cry on the plane but I missed him so much and had no idea what was instore for me. I missed him the second I got on that plane actually the second I let go of his hand. My motivation was getting home to him. He was my support system I called him every weekend and wrote a letter every day. We wrote about change love and missing each other. I had no idea how much this event in our life changed him. He had shaped himself into the man I always wanted. Finally after I got home after a five-month deployment I saw him. We had made it through those hard times. Right then i knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Naturally after being apart so long I wanted to be with him every second of the day. He was okay with that at first but eventually he needed his space back. I don't know where and when it happened but my insecurities kicked in again maybe somewhere in between not finding a job and not having any friends. I began jumping to conclusions and asking a lot of questions. This stressed him out and hurt his feelings. I had no idea what my insecurities were doing to him. I wanted to trust him and I wanted to give him his space but I thought I had all the time in the world to change. Little did I know he was becoming fed up. He had so much patience with me since day one doing things just because I wanted him to do them. I had forced him into moving out and into apartment we weren't ready for as well as staying home with me every day after work. He now felt an obligation to make me happy over himself. Then one day I pushed him too far he ended up sleeping in his car and having time to think about our relationship. He came back with the feelings of needing time away and not knowing whether not he could be with me. I had did exactly the opposite of what I wanted I pushed him away from me. That's one year and 6 tough months that I just let go down the drain. I thought begging crying and pleading for him not to leave me would work. This time his mind seem to be set. I did all the wrong things in panic to keep him in my life. Checked his call log online called some of the phone numbers had a friend call some of the phone numbers. This only made him angry and pull further away from me. I should have done my research and saw that giving him space could possibly bring him back in my life. When he did show that he wanted to be with me still or that he still had feelings for me I ruined it by panicking again. Now I am sitting here a little over a month later with no contact with him and wanting to cry because I feel I have lost the love of my life. I am still not employed and now I have to move out of the apartment that we moved into together and I have no place to go. Even though he is not speaking to me I still have the desire to be his girlfriend and possibly in the future his wife. But I still have a lot of things to work on within myself like my confidence and thinking positive. I don't know whether or not he is with someone else. I can only hope that he is not & that I will get another chance to win his heart back. I made a great and simple loving relationship into a complicated and hurtful one. I wish I could turn back the hands of time but even in 2013 that is not possible.

If you have any advice on what I should do please comment. I'd appreciate if the comments were helpful and positive please.
LoveYouInfinityNbeyond LoveYouInfinityNbeyond
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 31, 2013

It sounds cheesy but I think that you need to be in a relationship with yourself right now. You have to start loving you! Those insecurities won't just go away, they will follow you from relationship to relationship. Everything you need is inside of you and truly you are the only one that can make you feel secure and happy. At the end of the day you just need to breath and let go what is holding you hostage. You deserve happiness.