Why Do People Seem More Lonely When They Have Someone ?

Why do people appear more lonely when they have someone ?

Why do they look elsewhere when they have someone RIGHT THERE ? 

Why do they talk to other's & not to you ?

Why do they tell you they love you & make love to someone else?

why do they hold you close & dream of other's ?

Why do they laugh at their jokes & you told them the same joke & they didn't laugh?

Why does your throat hurt when you see them enjoying other people's company & you want to go home & they don't ? 

Why do feel sad when you know they are not alone at night ?

Why do we care?

Why do we do it?

Why ?

 

caroli9 caroli9
41-45, F
14 Responses Jan 23, 2007

One finds themslves in a situation that needs answers .. and hey :) you have helped. <br />
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Mystery and romance .. never dies you are so right basspla<x>yer .<br />
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what i think is that everything does come to an end. No matter how far., How long, we just go woth it until the end. <br />
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Noone knows when anything will end .. we should and can .. go woth it. <br />
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But Then again i am still alone and bitter hahahaha hahaha<br />
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seriously .. move with the world.. we have such a small part in it.

I don't know the answer to your question, but I know from experience what you say can be very true. The times in my life when I've been absolutely alone are the times when I've felt the least lonely. Something about absolute solitude can be very enriching.<br />
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I think when we are in balance, we can have time both with ourselves, alone, and with other people, and find both experience enriching.

I 'm afraid that I have to totally disagree with that although I do respect your view. The mystery and romance go away because in time people often stop working on their relationships. It is like a car that you stop maintaining. Sooner or later no matter how good it was to begin with it will break down. People often forget the things that attracted them to their mate in the first place. Those things need to be continually nurtured or they wither and die. Mystery can be created. All it takes is a dedicated effort. Romance does not ever need to go away; we stand by and let it happen. Knowing someone well (If they are the right someone) should only increase you feelings for them. All of this usually starts with poor communication. One party does something the other doesn't like or stops doing something they do like. Rather than bringing it up in a gentle positive productive way, we either ignore it and continue to stew about it or we nag our mate in an unkind way. The results should really not be a surprise. Either they remain oblivious because they simply don't know, or they get their back up because we haven't brought it up gently. Talk to your mate. Tell them you needs. Tell them your disappointments. Tell them your dreams. TEACH them. If both parties really do all of this and the feelings don't return....they really never were.

there's an awful lot of different reasons why people do the things they do, but i believe that when you feel lonely with the one your with it's because the other person knows who you are. and you know them. so there's no mystery. the romance goes away, and they are content with what they have. no conversation, no loving you, only taking you for granted, but then realizing that they really do love you, and don't know how to tell you. or show you. because they were not taught how to. it all boils down to them not knowing how to. you know.

I think that a big part of the answer is that people settle too easily. Why do women hook up with a bad boy and then get upset when they get treated like crap. Why do guys hook up with women based only on their looks then wonder why things aren't working out. The reality is that people often put more effort into buying clothes then picking their mate. A spark of attraction is often all it takes for two people to get together. It's not enough for anything long term. It's worth it to keep looking for what you need and not give up on what you think you need in a mate to be happy. It's a very big world after all. It's very unromantic but If people made a list of the things that they absolutely want in their mate and stuck to it, I think more relationships would have a chance of success. The comments are also right. It is good to be alone sometimes. That's when we grow and learn about ourselves.

Sometimes its good to be by ourselves. We find out who we really are. I think it makes us better people and maybe better people to love. Better to find out about ourselves first before someone else comes into the picture.

being alone sucks we all know that. but there is also a great power in being alone. no one to answer to, no one to ask questions about things you did or didn't do. you have to find your power in being alone. just don't let it go overboard, in that case we are all screwed. i hope that helps some. i just try and find the things i couldn't do if i was with someone all the time.

I cant help you with spelling ... because.. i am just as bad :) <br />
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U know at one stage of my life i was more alone even when i had someone sitting right next to me.

sometimes you can be alone and not be lonely?<br />
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Is that an oxymoran? pardon my spelling it sucks i know

Thankyou PFH .... you have said what i needed to hear ... my oh ... you have made me cry with your words. <br />
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but the truth shall set me free

Yes .... I have also found myself searching for perfection. Also have felt i wasted time thinking that i had it. <br />
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" Imperfection has it's own beauty " I like that ... thankyou :)

maybe people just search for perfection that they can never find, so that any given person can never satisfy them. maybe they don't know how to appreciate that imperfection has it's own beauty, that maybe what they are looking for isn't what they really need or that perfection can be even more isolating than something that is closer to what they are. but that all depends on your idea of perfection. am i making any sense?

I let them go... and i am still hurting .. because i knew. and you are right ... worth nothing to them i was. <br />
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I shall not hurt like that again .. although it still hurts.. It is something that I can and will get over.<br />
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Also ... how did you know ????

affection? if this is your case, I think you should let go of this person. not only are your feelings, be it friendship or romance, worth nothing to them, but you are hurting yourself too. your heart is your child. dont let anyone contaminate or hurt her.