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Fake Smiles And Forced Laughter

Forcing laughter, faking smiles just so you won't see my pain. Hold it back for so many years, how much longer will I hide the fear? I can't lose you, I need you. I fear you leaving me like the other, just leaving. I fear you becoming preoccupied again, forgetting me. I can't anger you, for you may leave me. I wish that it wasn't like this. You tell me you will never leave, but I can't believe something so easily anymore. You say you love me, you say that it will be alright, but what if it wasn't. I've been deceived too many times, my trust is shattered. What if you leave me? Would it be my fault? I know you would say it would be. The pain would drive you away, so I force laughter and fake smiles.

This sounds like it's about a boyfriend. But, it's not. It's about my mother. She has left before, I fear her leaving me again. The other is my biological father. I was raised by someone who was in the room when I was born, someone who was married to my mother before I was born. He is not my birth father. But, I can't tell the difference.
beaniebaby13 beaniebaby13 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 14, 2011

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Nor have you to have to go through child abuse. It sounds like he emotionally and physically abused you. I've just got a messed up family.



As for the complicated, you got that right. There's way more, but it's a long story.

So complicated. You shouldn't have had to go through any of, this.