Life With A MicrophallusI was born into a family who were hoping for a male to continue the family name and line. I never considered my genitals not being normal, even though they were on the short side. Those days I could set on the toilet for a bowel movement and successfully stretch out my penis to urinate into the toilet..
I lived in a neighborhood which was just starting to develop about 1950 and there were no children my age. I played some with older kids. I also during my early years spent time down the road living with my uncle' s family amongst a group of three girls. They teased me about the presence of having breasts, often telling me they were going to pinch my tities - that is till the day I caught one of them washing their hair at the kitchen sink wearing only a bra on her top - I gave her the same line then actually pinched hers. After that they simply teased me about needing a bra.
Our elementary school had no gym facilities, so I was only naked for school physical exams (which I later learned were sponsored by the federal government to monitor the effects of fallout from nuclear testing). I found these embarrassing. Being that I was tall and bigger than most of the children, shy and quiet I became a target of a few smaller students that seemed to have a need to make my life hell for simply being different.
Junior High school meant long trips by bus to the district Junior/Senior High School, gym classes where we had to undress in front of each other and shower. I never gave it a thought about my size and neither did my classmates. I remember being at a county fair the day before it opened and seeing a Clydesdale with it's penis exposed which looked like a fire hose, when normally it looked about a foot long protruding from it's belly. I always though that was why my penis looked the way it did.
Wet dreams produced my first erections. During high school I was in the Commercial class taking business classes with about twenty girls and about three guys. Class periods were often spent with an erection in my jeans from glimpses of white girdles and panties. As I was engaged in sports I got along with them, however, most of the girls I was interested in were attached romantically to older guys.
Technically I was a virgin till I married my wife. Most of the time I could reach about four inches erect, although flaccid I had to hold myself to urinate while sitting for a bowel movement.
I wrecked a VW Bug a few years before I was married evidently resulting in a compression fracture in my back which started to bother me about the age of 40. I was diagnosed as having diabetes, then sleep apnea which I account for a 100 pound weight gain. I gave up working to become a househusband as well as having a vasectomy so my wife could get off of birth control pills. During that procedure I learned parts of my testicles were underdeveloped. At the age of 50 I was found to have prostate cancer which I treated by brachytherapy - inserting of Iodine 125 seeds. The ability to have an erection has been confined to nocturnal ones periodically. I can acquire a semi erection and if stimulating my mind enough produce a small ***********. This to the best of my knowledge is due to medications for high blood pressure, the diabetes and somewhat the psychological fear of the nerves of my fifth lumbar being pinched during sex - instant deflating of an erection.
The prostate procedure has caused my length to diminish and my scrotum to become about four times as big as it previously was. My penis resides inside my body much of the time, I look as if I have a vagina with a scrotum and testicles much of the time. Sitting on the toilet requires using a hand held urinal held between my legs to catch any urine. My bladder doesn't always clear itself - thanks in part to a kidney stone surgery which hinders the flow of urine from left kidney to the bladder - when I think I am done ultimately I am not resulting in wet underwear sometimes.
"Why do old men walk bent over?"
"Because their scrotums sag with age and they get their balls caught between their legs.."
That just about sums up getting up and down out of chairs.
Why was I born with a small penis?
My best research indicates possibly my mother was given the estrogen DES during a time in her pregnancy with me that she was confined to bed rest to save her pregnancy. This evidently coincided with the development of my gender. It accounts as to why I was taller than most boys my age (actually most were a half year older than I) in elementary school, why my hands have had long slender fingers and a life time of having breasts.
Right now I am at an all time low. I am tired of dealing with the bathroom problems - does size matter - it does in the day to day things of the quality of life.
Correction - basically I haven't found any except for two male operations. The first to cause enough of my penis to remain outside the body cavity (Dr. Qz says I could gain an inch by losing weight but that still wouldn't add to the actual length). The second is a plastic surgery procedure to make the penis thicker and slightly longer which I see as no improvement, especially since I am over 60 now. Frankly I would rather undergo a sex change so I would no longer be cursed with it, although that would greatly complicate my life as I have a wonderful wife and two children.
28BROOK 61-65 4 Responses 1 Nov 3, 2010