All Ideas Needed!

Hello and thank you for reading.

I have a friend named Donna. Donna is a young woman who is just getting herself situated in her first year of college after having graduated from high school this past year.

Well, as fate would have it, Donna met a gentleman online who just happens to live in her same town. After countless internet chats and photo sharing sessions, this young woman has fallen quite hard for this man as one can imagine when emotions are involved. I will lay out all the facts of this scenario out for you - the readers - to comment on not the quality of this posting, but what all of it when taken together actually means.

The gentleman in question just happens to be a married man with a few children. Although divorce with his wife has been discussed at one point, he decided that it would be "best" for the children not to get a divorce until they were "grown up". So this gentleman supposedly sleeps "on the couch" every night under the same roof as his wife. Oh, one more thing, he visits Donna just about every morning to do whatever people in a "relationship" do, but at the end of the day after work, he goes back to his house, under the same roof with his wife and children.

Now, my question is - and I can only put this one way - what do YOU as the reader, think is going on? Please be brutally honest :)

Thank you for reading and your opinion will count!!!


By virtue of this stories readership, the man in question - the couchsleeping, married, "I can't get divorced until my kids are grown father" has decided to threaten me that if I don't take this story down by "Wednesday night" (what a random day lol), then there will be hell to pay.  So obviously this story will remain posted until there is resolution one way or another - so by all means, here is one more tidbit of information about what a swell guy this douche really is :) Comment away folks!
idlewatcher idlewatcher
31-35, M
44 Responses Jul 12, 2010

yes how did all this work out? <br />
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any ... updates

how did this all work out?

He is a loser who is using your friend, and using his wife. I wish your friend could see this, but she must think she is "in love". She is in lust and not in love. She has a friend like you to help her to see this (hopefully).

He is a loser who is using your friend, and using his wife. I wish your friend could see this, but she must think she is "in love". She is in lust and not in love. She has a friend like you to help her to see this (hopefully).

This guy doesn't want a relationship with Donna but wants sex. He is therefore feeding her the above story so that she understands they can never have a serious, committed relationship and she accepts it, and when he cheats on her she can't make him feel guilty with her nonexistent rights to him. I've seen it all in cheesy movies it's not hard to figure out haha

nice going. what a mess.

sounds all too familiar...babe i'm only still with her for the can be there for your kids even if you are not married to her !! He does seem to be able to get away for sex, why not anything more...give her the advice to run as far away from him as possible !! she will be the only one who ends up getting hurt in the end !! As Bonnie said keep online relationships online and noone gets hurt...but in my opinion someone always ends up getting hurt because most of us are not capable of turning our feelings on and off for someone whether it be online or offline !!

not much help here... dc

It depends.... on what your friend wants really. If all she wants is a good **** every morning, then I'd say it is a win/win situation for your friend and the guy. Somehow, I doubt that is all she wants, but I am sure that is all she is going to get. So.... he needs to take a hike.

Okay, since you commented on one of my question, I started reading your stories and this is the first one I came across. Here is my take on this situation. My response is simple as it can be. <br />
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What is said and done online needs to remain on line. I know there are many complex emotions and very easy to fall in love here and it happens very quickly but as you have asked in a question today, you should (that goes for Donna and any online relationships,) specially women need to look at this ob<x>jectively not subjectively. One needn't point fingers at other person in the relationship. Knowing all the facts and/or made up facts always think of what will you happy in the long run.<br />
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There is a moral of the story somewhere. Thank you for posting. As a woman I can tell you I have been involved in online relationships which have been very real so to speak but I also know this is only fantasy.

I'm sorry that your friend is in this position. She can't help where her heart has taken her and its a shame that there are those who take advantage. She is going to have heartache at some point, and if she has fallen as hard as you believe - it is going to be major hearache. <br />
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I can't help but believe he is using her. He's and older man who has found a way to get a 'young, hot chick' and everything that goes with it without any of the responsibilities. <br />
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Unfortunately, this is a lesson that she is going to have to learn the hard way. Most of us have been on the receiving end of that in one way or another and have learned what love had to teach us - both the good and the painful. Good luck to her.

Umm nope - still waiting for my reservation in hell. It's time to move on from these folks anyway as I couldn't possibly be any more bored of this situation :) I'll keep you posted however if you REALLY like.

so idlewatcher have you had hell to pay yet? i mean hey the deadline is past.

"Wednesday night". ..................well?

well it is Tuesday,.... i know maybe it was this coming "Wednesday night". yes that must be it.

well it`s monday

Hmm.. the "alterior motives" seem to be a little more obvious now....

ok "Wednesday night" is past. so ?

I don't need to block anyone - this story was to show the masses what a **** you are. Anyone who toys with a young girls emotions like you have is a coward......period.<br />
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She is obviously a lost soul - hell you should know as you are her "soulmate". What *married* man in his right mind would take her virginity and then tell her "I won't leave my wife b/c 'I need my kids to be grown first' "? You are laughable at best and pathetic at worst.<br />
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I won't dignify your statements about "cybersexing" or whatever you called it - there is a bottom line here - and she can tell you what and what not is involved because like the small person you are, you have outed someone you cared about to quite a few people. Is it that shocking that everyone here agrees with me? Perhaps you should ask your beacon of light why I posted this story in the first place and then maybe you can wrap your small brain around the concept that you aren't the only person in her playbook :)<br />
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*Round of applause for the married man who banged an 18 year old - golf clap*

Interesting how someone not all that involved in a situation can put a really negative spin on something that they dont agree with.<br />
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I happen to know both the people involved and have had some in-depth conversations with both of them on more than one occasion about their relationship.<br />
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She is much "older and more mature" than her actual years would imply and looks at the situation very differently than the writer of this post seems to imply. The man involved has never made any "Forever and Always" promises that I know of and they take one day at a time together.<br />
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Initially I was rather concerned that she might be missing out on so many of the special moments that a conventional couple enjoy together and I made my point known very bluntly. Not sure exactly how HE took all my comments but I needed to make sure she was looking out for herself first and foremost!<br />
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While I dont always agree with how they "run their situation" and how their friendship could affect so many more than just the two of them, ultimately it really IS their situation and the only ones who control what happens is the two of them. I find it hard to understand how someone who professes to be a friend would put a post like this out there even after the person they are supposedly concerned about specifically asked them not to! Topping it all off is the writer of the post has now blocked the subject of the post .... makes one wonder about their motivation for posting in the first place doesnt it!!!<br />
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Will be interesting to see if I get blocked now too......

They tell em tall in Texas, huh? You built a beautiful straw man here.<br />
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My friend shannonmeduh wrote a piece this afternoon. I talked with her bout it. Shannon is of course, 'Donna', everyone. She commented once here but idlewatcher has blocked her now. Who blocks a beautiful woman after havin chat an cyber sex with her?<br />
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A liar.<br />
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Who for that matter, would profess to bein concerned bout a young woman's situation an ignore her request not to print this … refuse to take it down when she asked? Not a knight in shinin armor.<br />
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A liar.<br />
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Shannon is a quiet, thoughtful person. I'm surprised that some of the folk here were so quick to judge … or so slow to notice her comment. I mean c'mon everyone … drinkin on the pyramids … saved from a murderin by his babysitter (an who says 'Mongoloid' any more? - not someone made to show compassion for them).<br />
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Couple of you were sharp enough to see through this charade … an he lied to one … an accused the other of lackin compassion(actually 'standin by' an doin nothin - in reaction to this BS) What a whopper this is … an what a piece of work you are, idlewatcher. I kinda hope the douche DOES make you pay. <br />
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Houston … we have ignition! Watch the straw man burn! Go head an block me too idlewatcher … been at least a couple weeks for me. 8)

My role in this is irrelevant - nor does my opinion matter. However, when someone is being tricked into being someone's doormat, it's my duty to help someone see that the masses overwhelmingly agree she is being taken advantage of. But by the sound of it, you would sit idly by and do nothing. <br />
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Either way, I thank you for your post.

lol no, not you Longrun

my take on this is just what you told me, idlewatcher, that my opinion is the only one that really why are you still trying to persuade me otherwise, you're very contradictory.


What a **** head, she needs out and fast, listen 40 yr old **** head, if ur reading this then u know ur doing wrong. Idlewatcher has every right to be concerned fornhis friend and u threatening him is pathetic, grow up and sort ur life out before u ruin the girls, the kids and probs ur wifes!

sleeping on the couch? yeah right. this guy is full of crap and found an easy mark in your friend.

Yup well put Saratoga.......its an unfortunate situation because she is blind to the true reality (and gravity) of the situation. Hope she doesn't find a jaded wife at her front door anytime soon. Then things could turn ugly in a heartbeat.<br />
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Donna - what is your take on this? lol

There is little you can do -- she is over 18 so legally she can see (and sleep with) whoever she wishes to see and sleep with.<br />
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Of course her legal age is one thing and her emotional maturity is another. This man is clearly playing with her emotions, having no-strings-attached sex with a teenage woman while remaining married to his wife.<br />
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He is a pig.<br />
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But as I said, in matters of the heart, there is no logic. She believes she is in love with him and that she is getting something out of this, while an impartial person can see what it really going on -- but no one wants to be told that they are NOT loved... no one wants to be told or even listens when they are told that someone else, someone they believe they are in love with, is using them.<br />
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Poor Donna.

Shizzle Marie

Thanks bohor

This is bad - in so many ways. For one thing, the girl is a freshman, and this guy is like how many years older than her? And online dating is bad, very bad. Tell your friend to socailise with students her own age! That's what college is for. But how can she live with the fact that she is involved with a deceitful and unfaithful man? Tell her to think of his children. <br />
Your friend is going to ruin her reputation man. She has so much ahead of her. It's good that you care about her so much that you would post her story here, and I think that you might like her much more than you think.

That's a negative ghost rider :) Just trying to get someone to see how their actions will ultimately lead to heartbreak ;)

Hmmm, would you be "ga ga"??? ;)

Thanks Emerald...I'm thinking Donna is finally seeing the light (and truly who she is ga-ga over) so only time will tell :)

Donna has a choice: Either accept the affair as it is, and not expect more from the man (cause he's probably not gonna leave a situation where he's having his cake and eating it too.). Or she can leave the situation if it's too emotionally stressful, or she has plans of becoming his next Mrs. THere's no way to have a monogomous relationship with this guy until he actually divorces his wife. And even then, you have to wonder if he has others, or if it becomes easier to cheat on the one you cheated with sometime down the road. I'm not going to blame either person here. BUt when you go into a "relationship" knowing the situation, don't think you can change it or the other person just because your feelings have intensed or changed.

I think this guy is taking advantage of your friends youth and inexperience. The old" I sleep on the couch" bit is dated but still works apparently.

Not sure how old he is, but I'm thinking around 40+.....

I agree...she could do so much better. He has no business being with her while he is married...sleeping on the couch or not! Where did people's morals go??? She will only end up in heart break.

Well I'd say a family, a relationship and a human being cannot exist/function like that. There is no peace in living a life so entangled in desires and commitments. These 'arrangements' work only on a short term basis so one should actively/consciously work towards resolving the problems one-at-a-time before stepping onto newer relationships.<br />
This is applicable to both the married man and Donna (provided they both have a complete view of what is happening!)<br />

Desire.... I think you need sex and since you dont have it home... you found it in another place... its complicated, buts its fine as long as this girl understands EVERYTHIING

Correct to the both of you - fortunately I am not the one who needs convincing lol Thank you for your comments!

having his cake and too...<br />
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this guy sounds and bit flaky to be honest, your friend should end it, as hard as it will be easier now, then when your friend develops full on relationship feelings for this guy, and he is still flitting between the two women, <br />
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either that or he's overlapping a relationship not quite ready to let go of his wife, as you can understand they have a family together, and not yet ready to commit to Donna, as she is new in his life and there is still a trust boundry to overcome. <br />
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hope it helps... <br />
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Nothing good. Your friend is set up for a lot of heartache if this goes on for any amount of time. I hope for her sake this does not derail her college studies but it seems that there is potential for that here. I'd guess if she's happy with sneaking around and seeing this guy on the side then there's no issue here.<br />
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Another point I'd like to add is he could be a pla<x>yer who has other women on the side.