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A Soldier's Return Home

My story starts back from when I was 19 years old with this boy, who I will call "Rob," was 18 at the time. Rob and I had a 'fling" way back in the day, but because I was young, immature and shallow I broke up with him because I didnt think other people would think he was hott enough. Through the rest of high school, we spoke every once in a while and always flirted with each other but he had a thing with another girl as I was also in a relationship. After I graduated, I had not spoken to "Rob" at all my first year at college, I was in a, what I thought, a serious happy relationship. The summer after my freshmen year of college, things with my then boy friend just were not what they used to be. We were fighting alot more and I had realized that he and I wanted two totally different things out of life. I was so used to having im be there I just dealt with not being happy and hoping that it would get better. Well when my cousin had asked if I would go to "Rob's" graduation party with him, I thought why not, I have not seen Rob or his family in a long time. Rob was very happy to see me as was his family and they all told me how much they missed me and wanted me around again. I was flattered, but at the same time confused as to why Rob's then girl friend was not there. Poor Rob got really drunk and had to go to bed, me being the motherly type wanted to make sure that he was ok so I went into his room with him and wait until he went to sleep. Rob told me that he missed me alot and that he wished he could spend time with me more often. I was very happy to hear this, but also knew that we both still had significant others. Rob and his girl friend broke up shortly after this graduation party, but I still was too afraid to end up alone to break up with my boy friend. Rob had moved out of state to go to school in the middle of the summer but we had started talking regularly. One night when Rob was back home visiting, he asked if I wanted to come over and meet his friends from school and hang out and have a few drinks. I did go over and just hang out, but then because I had been drinking and gradually becoming more cuddly with Rob, decided to spend the night. As we just laid there and talked, it just happened all of a sudden and before I knew it, he and I were having sex. The next morning I left pretty early thinking it was just a random hook up that needed to be released. But as I was getting into my car, Rob kissed me good bye and told me to call him later. Rob and I talking and hooking up continued for a few months, all the while I was still in my long term relationship, while he was in a 'fling" with his friend with benefits. At one point, someone had told my boy friend that there were rumors going around that I was hooking up wit Rob. I denied them repeatedly and still do to this day. My boyfriend said he believed me and told every one else to mind their own business. Around November, Rob had dropped out of school and decided to enlist in the military. We had made plans for one last rendeveaux before he left for Basic, but just did not have coordinating times allowing us to. With the whole whirl wind of everything that needs to be done with the military and I never saw him except for a few times when we would skype. As time went on, Rob and I didnt talk as much because of everything he had going on with the military and myself with school, work and rehearsal. I had also in this time broken up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. I knew that things with Rob and I were more physical that relational, but I just still thought about him a lot and would get jealous by the fact of he and his "woman" talking back and forth on facebook. He always told me that he never saw himself having a future with her and that when he went over seas he would just break up with her. Well one day on facebook I see people writing to Rob saying congratulations. I look to find out that Rob and his 'woman" got married. The next day on facebook, Rob had a status that said hinted towards something of I made a mistake and wish I could take it back and now am looking forward to going over seas. I was pissed, confused and flabbergasted. As the months went on, I slowly got over my anger with Rob because I realized that I did not want to be with a guy that so willingly would cheat on any type of significant other. In the last few months I had decided that I wnated to save myself, or what is left of it, for the man I marry. Just the other day, while I was waiting for an appointment, my phone goes off notifying me that I have a facebook notification. I open it and see there is an inbox message from Rob. Rob and I ended up talking for the next couple of hours over facebook. He had told me that he has been thinking about me this entire time he has been over seas and then when he gets back he wants to take me out for dinner and then to a nice hotel for the night. When I asked him why he was ok with cheating on his wife, he replied that the sex with his wife was good but that sex with me was just on a whole different level of amazing. I was very flattered that he loved our sex and had to agree with him that I did enjoy the sex. The conversation ended with him telling me that he really missed me that he really wants to see me when he comes home. His last instant message was "muah baby!" I do not have feelings for this boy at all anymore just because I know how he is, and he will not be back in the area for another 5 or 6 months, but I am very tempted to actually see him and spend the night with him. He told me to look for the nicest hotels in the surrounding area that had personal whirl pools in the rooms so that we can really enjoy our time together and he would take care of the rest. As pathetic as this sounds, I have found three hotels that I would love to stay at with him. I feel guilty even having had the conversation with him and looking for hotels, but I really liked our sex together. Even if I feel the marriage of Rob and his on and off booty call girl is not a serious/ good marriage, am I a bad person for knowingly having a sexual relationship with a married military official? I feel if I give into temptation karma is going to come back at me with vengeance. I need guidance!
PinkLady112 PinkLady112 18-21, F Jun 30, 2011

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