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Being With A Married Man Has Damaged My Health

So after now being in a relahItionship with a married man for 2 years I am now at the point where I have anxiety attacks, I was diagnosed with depression and now have ended up having to see a therapist.. When I first entered this relationship I entered it with the impression that he was in a process of going through a divorce through wat him and his brother in law stated.the relationship began with lies from the divorce to him tellinf me the process was taking long cus she was going prepared to court to the point where a couple of monthso he confessed that she never filed for divorce... I have tried leaving him several times but I cant seem to walk away I have even tried dating other guys but I cant cus I start comparing the two. The reason I ended up depressed is because he would tell me he was going to come pick.me up and he would never call or come pick me up which prevented me from leaving cus I thought to myself if I leave and he calls or if he comes and im not here hes gonna get mad ... I started just wanti.g to stay home if I wasnt going to be with him... The anxiety attacks came in july I finally had the nerve to call it quits he told me he wasnt going to let me go tgat easy... That night I walked away the next day I went to work fine did my normal stuff nothing had hit me ydt till I saw him that afternoon he was with his friend drinking...tgat night my phone had died and when I turned it on I had like 3 messages of him drunk telling me he,was outsude my house and he wasnt leaving till I came out cus he loved me and he was not going to let me end our relationship just like that .he called me about an hour later and I was on the, phone with him for like an hour as he just talked his drunk self away after a conversation I hear him say ohh **** and the phone hung up I assumed it was cus he had gottem mad at me so he hung up. I fell asleep and like at 4 in the,morning I woke up and had like 5 missed calls from this number I didnt recognize I called it back and toy surprise it was the jail. At that moment in time I panicked cried hysterically and called,myseld down.. I checked the jail to see if it was him who had called and sure enough it was him. I rushed to the jail to try to see wat I could do just as I was getting there he called me I broke down telling him tgat I was there teying to get his belongings he tolde ok but that his brother was on his way but if I could go bail him out with his card then the brother didnt have t( bring money '. I ran across to the bail bond stayed calm and bail him out I turned all the stuff to the brother and came home cus they said it would be about an hour an a half untill he got release I hurried up got dressed for work and thought I would get to be there by the time he got out. I got to the jail and asked and be had just gotten picked ip like 5 minutes b4 I got there so I went to work. I was fine at work talking to my coworkers and all of a sudden I started feeling sick tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing and my ears plugged.. They had to call the paramedics to come check me and they took me to the hospital my bloodpressure was rocket high and they told me I had an anxiety attack ... They put me on xanax for m3 attacks..after tgat day everytime I would hear his voice I would panic and we couldnt even mention the incident cus I would get even worse when I did see him like 2 weeks later I had an anxiety attack and was really emotinal... With this incident that occur it has shown me that no matter how much I love him I cant keep hurting myself even.though I know he loves me I know he has caused my emotional distress my depression and anxiety attacks and he knowsthat also he has change his ways with me where its not just myself anymore trying to make this relationship work his actally trying.. Im going to therapy cus I want to put an end to my depression and anxiety and figure out why I " this guy get to me like he dd. He says that this that happened iis only ggoing to brings us closer cus imso upportive ..he said we willl get through this togetherwith his problem and my health problems
princesscon05 princesscon05 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 13, 2011

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Wow I thought I was losing my mind when I had anxiety attacks, migraine headaches, blood pressure problems, but of course he said he would never hurt me, what is this then. If this is love, hate me then. I lost hair, sleep, And I think I lost my sanity. The crazy thing is that I was happy being unhappy because I stayed for two years. I wonder how long I would have stayed if I hadnt found out his wife was pregnant. But the reason he hadnt left was because of the two kids they already had, go figure. Now that was enough for me to handle.