A Bad Way I Have Turned My Life

I was devastated losing my first boyfriend/love. I may be very young back then but I knew it was love. He was a very good man and I had built my dreams with him. He was the only person I could talk and discuss things with all honesty. I was innocent and vulnerable. My world collapsed the day he died. It was a NIGHTMARE that I thought I'm not gonna wake up from. Not a long time after he die, I found out I am an adopted child. Of course, I wanted to know and establish good relationship with my biological family not because I am not happy with my adoptive parents but because I wanted to know them. I expected that my biological family would be happy and appreciate my effort to be close to them but that didn't happen. I was broken hearted once again because of it.

I was young and have no one to talk about the pain I have inside me. I tried to comfort myself to the extent that I didn't notice I'm destroying my life. I had been with men. But all the relationships failed. I don't know why but I think I somehow responsible of it. I had been with more mature guys than I am. i totally messed up my life.

Just this year, I met a guy. I was dating/seeing him before I learned that he's already married with two kids. But then, I continued seeing him as I feel somehow relax whenever I was with him as he always joke around and easy to be with. He got me pregnant but I discovered it when I was already ! month pregnant. When I was no longer seeing him because I am already with another guy who treated me really well. And the story begins here...

One summer afternoon, I met this guy in a coffee shop. We had lunch and some chitchat. We hangout for few days before we stayed together in a hotel. Anyway, he's a foreigner and the nature of his job is travelling and travelling. He was the one who noticed I was pregnant. So he insisted me to buy a pregnancy test kit. So did I, twice the result was positive but I didn't bother about it as I didn't feel any changes in my body. Then I was hospitalized, the doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. He wasn't the father of the child inside my womb. But he accepted and fought for the baby's life. So, I continued with my pregnancy. We lived together, He mentioned marriage and about other stuff regarding our relationship and he's willing to raise my child. A couple of months of living together, I found a document. A marriage contract! Yes, he's married!!! Could you imagine how my world had been shattered once more?

I didn't ask anything from him. He does things with his own will. He promised things. I trusted my life to him. But I found out, his promises are empty. Things he have said are not going to happen. He hides a lot of things from me.

I am my own captain of my life and I turned it really bad
makejessihapii makejessihapii
18-21, F
Dec 14, 2012